Butterfield Overland Stage Coaches to Operate Again

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

image for Butterfield Overland Stage Coaches to Operate Again

Los Angeles CA: Ms. Alice Butterfield a lineal descendant of John Butterfield announced today that daily coach service between Los Angeles and Las Vegas will be reinstituted. Contracts have been signed with the major Las Vegas gaming establishments to transport environmentally friendly high rollers to the gambling casinos.

The Butterfield Overland Stage Coach Company was started in 1858 to carry six passengers and 25 lbs of luggage for each passenger from the East coast to the West coast (2800 miles) of the United States in 25 days. The coach traveled continuously 24 hours per day! Notables such as Mark Twain traveled west in 1861 at the low coach fare coach fare of $200. This cost is the current one way fare to Las Vegas, including in route meals, baggage handling and all amenities.

Six people can readily get to know each other, traveling via a stage coach in two rows of three facing seats, especially when the trip is a two day, 290 miles trek through the Nevada desert (RTE 15). The environmentally conscious passengers, roughing it like Mark Twain, on the coach's maiden trip are Al Gore, Barbara Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, George Clooney, Madonna and John Travolta. The aforementioned brave celebrities are doing their part to ensure a carbon free America by leaving their private jets and limousines at home in Malibu.

Way stations for changing and feeding horses will also be serving food that is much better than served on the original coach routes across the western deserts. Port-a-potty stops provided at regular intervals in between the way stations will add to the passenger's comfort. The Butterfield Company has also hired theme park consultants to suggest ways of adding more excitement to the trip. The grandson's of Gabby Hayes and Andy Devine are to be coach driver and shotgun rider, respectfully. (Unfortunately, Doris day was unavailable to play Calamity Jane.) Jay Silverheel's (Tonto) grandson will lead an Indian attack on the stage coach somewhere on the trip, but prior to the passengers being scalped in Las Vegas. Ms. Butterfield apologizes for not being able to provide a scenic passage through Monument Valley, as it is in Arizona and Utah.

Ever mindful of the environment the Buttefield Overland Stage coach employs a modern team of four horses, including a number of team changes that all run on oats (no carbon offsets required). The cost of a barrel of oats is far less than a barrel of crude oil. Each coach is fitted with a used oat catcher to prevent solid waste pollution. There is practically no green house gas emission, as horses are not ruminants.

Hollywood celebrities are advised to book future reservations early by calling (213) BUTterfield 8000, but hurry as coach seating is rather limited.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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