On This Day In The Future

Funny story written by matwil

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

image for On This Day In The Future
That Israeli terrorist is back in 2033

2009 Benito Mussolini resurrected to replace Gordon Brown as Labour leader, saying 'Brown is too right-wing for me'

2010 Sharon Osbourne replaces David Cameron as Tory leader, saying 'David is too intellectual and strong in character and not feminine enough to be an Opposition leader'

2011 Mr Blobby replaces whoever leads the Liberals, and nobody notices

2012 The MFI sale is still on

2013 Pope Benedict makes Tony Blair the only living saint in history

2014 America surrenders to Aghanistan

2015 Daily Mail has 18-page crime and immigration horror pull-out

2016 Northern Ireland's assembly is suspended for the eighteenth time

2017 Paul Gascoigne gets drunk, JIll Gascoigne denies being related to him

2018 America's 2008 election still drags on, without actually being about anything

2019 England lose to the Leeward Islands Girls' Team in a World Cup qualifier; Ronaldo starts shaving, and stops diving

2020 USA considers abolishing its monarchy, King George Bush IV refuses to abdicate

2021 Arnold Schwarzenegger migrates back to Austria, saying 'America is now more right-wing than even I can handle'

2022 Americans discover irony, after a 200 year search

2023 Kylie Minogue is still famous for no reason at all, as is Paris Hilton

2024 Britain declared a republic - again - and nobody cares, especially the British

2025 French fishermen attack British boats for no reason, and get chased all the way back to Le Havre

2026 Ireland declares itself part British, part Irish, part Northern Irish, part Scottish but not in Scotland, part European but outside of Europe, part Republic and part democracy, and part funded by criminals in America and Scotland, and is still violently arguing about it, and will be doing so in another 400 years' time

2027 Restored monarch Queen Elizabeth II looks healthier than ever

2028 Jonathan Ross's salary increased to £452 million

2029 Scotland withdraws from the United Kingdom, saying 'we've milked the English for long enough', and the English lose their whisky and oil tax revenues

2030 England declared bankrupt

2031 USA invaded by the Leeward Islands, dollar sinks to 18 to £1

2032 New Ice Age starts, many global warming experts die in the freeze

2033 Jesus Christ returns to Earth, and is arrested by Mossad for being an illegal immigrant and a terrorist

2034 Pope Benedict calls for Jesus to be executed, to keep his own career going

2035 Earth is eaten by a passing mutant space dog

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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