London - (AssoCIAted Mess): GPs'surgeries are fighting to stave off a pandemic of sudden projectile vomiting syndrome that has struck the country following a news leak that George W Bush is to be guest of honor at Saturday's Trooping of the Colour ceremony, the IRA Puppet Monarch's official annual birthday parade.
By early today over half a million cases had been reported in the South East alone with 99.9% sufferers complaining it was the very thought of the Opus Dei tribute artiste Bush officiating at the excruciatingly embarassing spectacle that turned their stomachs.
Bush and his GOP-hired hooker Laura arrive this weekend for an overnight stay at the fabled Herman Goering Suite in Windsor Castle where they will sleep in the royal four-poster bed where the Yorkshire Ripper was conceived.
A glittering evening reception will see the son of Hitler's Pope Pius XII elevated to the Order of the Gutter in an ancient ancestral initiation ceremony.
"It's not that much different from what Nazi S&M orgy nutter Max Mosley paid five grand for," one royal flunkey admitted today, "but we use real orang utangs from London Zoo of course, to make it all the more realistic."
Camilla is covered in anal warts.
