Mad Dog to be Destroyed
US military prosecutors are putting the finishing touches to the first major case against Guantanamo Bay inmates suspected to have helped plot the September 11 attacks.
Read full storyWinehouse gutted as suspected arson destroys Camden's Whorely Arms boozer
Camden Lock - (Arson Mess): Singer Amy Winehouse is in a state of severe shock at the news that her favorite North London watering hole, Camden's Whorely Arms, has gone up in a huge inferno that has destroyed the livelihoods of the area's top...
Read full storyFox News Discovers Ron Paul
Fox News broke its own rules today and did a major story on Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul. The company's chairman, Roger Ailes, explained the decision rather simply: "Now that he's not in the race any more,...
Read full storyYoko Ono outed as mother of tribute con artist known as Michael Jackson
California - (Preposterous Mess): Jumped up nonentity Yoko Ono Lennon has been outed by CIA archives as the mother of the tribute con artist masquerading as Michael Jackson.
Read full storyMarks and Spencer embarrassed by new "Beaver" ice-cream
Marks and Spencer has said that it is embarrassed by the discovery that its new brand of ice-cream and related products has a name which in certain parts of the world can mean female genitalia.
Read full storyLourdes to Close!
The French have been given six months to come up with a miraculous cure, or their famous Pilgrimage Site will be closed down. The small town of Lourdes in France has apparently become a shrine when Roman Catholic Nun, Sister Bernadet...
Read full storyMichael Jackson booked to sing at Jenna Bush's Predator Chapel Ranch wedding
Crawford, Texas - (Dysfunctional Mess): Singer Michael Jackson will entertain wedding guests at Jenna Bush and Henry 'Hagar the Horrible' Hagar's May 10th nuptials at the Predator Chapel Ranch presidential family home in Crawford.
Read full storyCher's face breaks in show-stopping act
Part of Cher's face cracked and fell off during a press conference announcing that she will headline a Las Vegas show at Caesars Palace.
Read full storyRoger Federer refuses to play tennis until named most handsome man on tour
The controversy over who is the best looking male tennis player in the world heated up to a new level today. In a hastily convened press conference Roger Federer a...
Read full storyFormer Aide to Mitt Romney Says He Quit Presidential Race Because of Looming "Cheese-Gate" Scandal
BOSTON, MA -- A former aide to Mitt Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts who recently dropped out of the Presidential race because he claimed "he hated to lose," says that Romney dropped out of the race for an entirely different rea...
Read full storyI Am Princess Margaret's Lovechild Too - Bobby Brown
Controversial rapper and American R&B singer Bobby Brown has come forward today to support claims by lunatic-fringe would-be royalty Mr Robert Brown that he is Princess Margaret's lovechild by Group Captain Townsend.
Read full storyArchbishop Rowan Williams signs up for LOTR4
Prominent Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan "The Beard" Williams, has reportedly signed up to play the part of the resurrected 'Saruman' in the upcoming feature 'Lord of the Rings 4: The Final Insult'.
Read full storyAmerica's First Black President Chooses America's First Black Vice President
YOUNGSTOWN,OH -- The BARD (Berets and Red Dresses) group of Youngstown were host to what was thought to be a routine stump speech by America's first black President, but turned out to be anything but.
Read full storyBlair the EU's George (Bush In) Washington? What an Opus Dei one whore's race!
Brussels, Belgium - (Farcial Mess): Frantic Opus Dei whores trading is touting elder statesman (sic, sick) Tony Blair as the natural choice to be the European Union's first president.
Read full storyBritney Spears Gives Foreskin Museum Amazing Gift
Britney Spears is reportedly very distressed at the media coverage of her hospital admissions. Under the advice of her Psychiatrist, Dr Felix Erboob, she has been advised to travel incognito and go and visit a few places to chill out.
Read full storyThe Devil makes wok for Idol, Hans
His Supreme Dark Lord, The Devil, has helped the winner of the German cooking talent show "Chef Idol" to open his own Chinese restaurant by presenting him with a specially made magic wok.
Read full storyMills/McCartney divorce court show-down to reveal massive Beatles fraud
Royal Courts of Injustice - (Fraudulent Mess): Next week's Heather Mills/Paul McCartney divorce hearing is set to reveal a massive authorship and copyright fraud cover-up about the Beatles' music.
Read full storyWhite House 2008 hearts 'n' minds: McCain warned of impending fatal coronary
Washington DC - (Cardiac Mess): GOP wannabe presidential nominee John McCain is heading for an imminent fatal coronary according to astrological analysis from the World Wiccan Council AGM at the Du Pont Circle HQ this weekend.
Read full storyAussies Demonstrate by Burning Thongs and Panties
SYDNEY, New South Wales - A demonstration in Centennial Park brought together close to 3,000 women protesters. Fortunately, most of them were wearing thongs, so the Fire Brigade didn't have to be called.
Read full storyIpswich Killer Inspires New Law-Murder By Coincidence
The man standing trial for the murder of five Ipswich prostitutes has sensationally claimed that he may have murdered them all "by coincidence."...
Read full storyRival Archbishop In Leadership Challenge
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, faced up to more problems this morning when, after his recent championing of Sharia Law, his future leadership of the Church of England came under threat from a rival Archbisho...
Read full storyBook of Dementia Verse 24:7 Found
CANTERBURY - Religious scholars throughout England and the world are marvelling about the discovery of the missing verse from the Book of Dementia recently discovered beneath Canterbury Cathedral.While, religious scholars are still trying to interrup...
Read full storyFDIC Begins "Death Watch" of US Banks, Plans to Lower Insurance to $10,000 and Give Vouchers for Hamburgers or Tacos
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) has begun a "death watch" on dozens of failing US banks which are drowning in their own debts and piles of worthless subprime, derivative and other investments.
Read full storyArchbishop of Canterbury Reveals He Has Converted To Islam
The Archbishop of Canterbury, already embroiled in a war of words over his controversial views on Sharia Law, has revealed in a statement that he has converted to Islam.
Read full storyGoldman Sachs Encourages Sex Changes By Employees
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- The fabulously rich bankers and traders at Goldman Sachs who enjoy big salaries and bonuses now enjoy free sex-change surgery in a new perk.
Read full storyBush, Pelosi Remove Saturday From Calendar
President George W. Bush announced Friday that Saturday will be removed from all US calendars. The move came as part of a last minute deal with congressional Democrats on the stimulus package to boost the economy.
Read full storyBush Mediates Sunni-Shiite Egg Dispute!
In an uncanny contemporary parallel to Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels, Shiite and Sunni legislators in the Iraqi Parliament have nearly come to blows over the correct way to eat a soft boiled egg.
Read full storyDr Quick Draw Phil McGraw admits: I'm a Fraud!
Master of confrontational psychology, Dr Phil of TV fame has been unmasking sick people in denial for loads of cash and lots a years now.
Read full storySuperstition is indistinguishable from Science
The progress is upon us and it shows. As some super star philosopher have said, sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from miracle. Now we can add to it that sufficiently advanced superstition is indistinguishable from science.
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