Bush Wanks Dog In Gruesome White House Video
Outgoing US President George Bush has appeared in a graphic White House video with pets Miss Beazley and Barney, in which he repeatedly strokes the latter's undercarriage, and seemingly masturbates the beast. Bush and his family were shooting thei...
Read full storySunderland Appoint Keegan And Shearer
Sunderland have hired Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer to steer them through the rest of the season in their battle against relegation, Niall Quinn confirmed in a press conference today. "We've thought long and hard about who we wanted", stated Quinn...
Read full storyHillary Clinton's new occupation - abreast of new painting techniques
Hillary Clinton's whimsical leisure paintings are now becoming increasingly popular amongst men and boys around the globe. Clinton's paintings which have been 'swept under the covers' until recent times have sparked controversy worldwide. The artw...
Read full storyBush finally finds WMD in Iraq
US president George W Bush who waged a largely unsuccessful war on Iraq finally found the weapons of mass destruction he was looking for ever since US led troops landed up at Baghdad in search of the elusive weapons. "The weapons were size 10 and...
Read full storyMel Gibson Having Problems
Friends of Mel Gibson's are brushing off talk that his marriage is in trouble. "Mel just tried to help out a young singer and all this starts. Hollywood can be rough", stated one friend Gibson made while graduating from the Betty Ford University...
Read full storySlicky Dicky Meets Vlad the Imperialist- A Meeting of Greedy Minds
Impressed by Vladimir Putin's hold on Soviet power despite no longer being Premier, Dick Cheney has secretly flown to Moscow to be personally coached by the 'Iron Man Of Russia'. Knowing that he will be out of a job in a month and that a lot of h...
Read full storyMossad Pension Fund hit for $900 million in Madoff Ponzi scam
Tel Aviv - (Sorry Ass Mess): The Israeli secret intelligence service is hopping mad after Off-the-Wall-St trader Bernard Madoff lost 95% of the Mossad's pension fund in his $50 billion hedge fund collapse. "How come we didn't see this one coming?"...
Read full storyBush Almost Done-in by Possibly Murderous Shoe
In a treacherous attack on President-reject Bush while he was on a farewell tour of Iraq (known there as a 'Good Riddance' tour), an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at him during a speech. "This shows how poor things have gotten here." said Munt...
Read full storyHutu Hate Monger Hired by US Right-wing Radio
U.S. hate radio marked a new phase in its development by hiring the Hutu radio announcer who helped fuel the Rwanda massacre in the 1990's with his anti-Tutsi rants. Right-wing stations felt that Ebogen Banja, still an arrogant, bile filled hater of...
Read full storySpoof Magazine Editor Arrested For Contributing To Delinquency of Minor
The editor and owner of The Spoof, an on-line humor/humour magazine based in England, has been arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The underaged victims of his alleged abuse include a 14 year old Nigerian boy known by the alias...
Read full storyAuction Website Unrolls Plan To Register The Deceased On Auction Site
During an interview with AuctionWatch, Dead-bay (Dbay) CEO Don Jonohoe confirmed rumors that Dbay has been registering the deceased on the popular online auction site. "I got the idea from Meg (Whitman) actually" Jonohoe said. "During the Republ...
Read full storyAnother UFO Lands On Another Man's Head
In what has been called a "copycat incident", in Greendale, a village in Milwaukee County, Wisconsin, another UFO landed on another man's head just after breakfast yesterday morning. Arthur J. Wallenger, a local man, was out taking his morning str...
Read full storyMan Allergic to Shit Crash Lands in India
Talk about the worst luck ever - a man with a life-threatening allergy to shit landed smack bang in the middle of the sacred Ganges river after a skydiving accident went wrong. Jerry Pittpox, 32, was hoping to raise some cash for blind, deaf, mute...
Read full storyDutch Heavy Ankles Disease Strikes Brits
Ever experience a couple of cold winter, or pollen-strewn summer, days of coughing and wheezing, taking yourself off to the doctor and telling him you feel like sh*t? In Holland you'd probably be diagnosed with a severe respiratory infection and...
Read full storyWomen show interest in Bush shoe slinger story
ATP According to reports pouring in women all over the world have shown great interest in the news coming out of Iraq about shoes being thrown on George W Bush. According to the woman on the street,Carrie, Manolos are the shoe of choice these days...
Read full storyThird Exerpt From 'Found' Dickens Christmas Carol
Me thinks dear reader that you should review the preceding installments first Stave 2: The First of the Three Spirits When Cratchit awoke, it was so dark, like one entombed, he wondered whether his eyes were open or not, no difference between walls and window. He was deciphering the placement of objects as to where in the world they had vanished, when the church clock signaled it's time. So...
Read full storySon of "Oddjob" attacks President Bush with shoes instead of hat; family brokenhearted
Baghdad, Iraq - Members of the Oddjob family hung their heads in shame as news of their prodigal son, Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob, used his shoes, instead of his hat, to attack President George W. Bush at a press conference in Iraq yesterday. "We alwa...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell Tapped To Be New 'Dr. Who'
New Yawk, NY-- Rosie O'Donnell is the surprise choice to play the new Dr Who on the epic British science-fiction show. The portly entertainer will be the first American, the first female and the first lesbian for the legendary show that began in 196...
Read full storyPlayboy Magazine Sparks Religious Controversy By Putting Virgin Mary on Cover
Playboy Magazine has started a new religious controversy right before Christmas by putting a semi-naked Virgin Mary on the cover of their Spanish language edition. The edition, which has already sold out, is drawing criticism from the Catholic Churc...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush to Self-Produce New Biopic in 2009
President George W. Bush announced today that his first move when he leaves office in 2009 will be to follow in Oliver Stone's footsteps and be the first former president to produce a movie based on his own life. Bush described the film as "Missi...
Read full storyCleaning Woman Puts Shoes Tossed At Bush On eBay
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Fatima Mustafa, 87, who works as a cleaning woman at the Sands Motel in downtown Baghdad has taken the shoes that were thrown at President Bush and placed them on eBay. Mrs. Mustafa, whose cleaning duties include cleaning the confe...
Read full story100 reasons why you're still Single!
Why are you still single? Possibly because you... 1.Call Grey's Anatomy simply "Grey's" 2.Have entertained the notion that "the Axe Effect" is real 3.Own tie-dyed gym clothes 4. Purchased your dining room set with Marlboro Miles 5. Are only gay when you're drunk 6. Have written poetry inside a Starbucks 7. Wink in a rakish manner each time you tell a joke 8. Have a ferret...
Read full storyWealthy Lose Billions As Poor Celebrate
Top world financial groups on Monday revealed massive potential losses from an alleged scam run by Wall Street trader Bernard Madoff, admitting they were fooled by a classic pyramid investment fraud. British, French, Japanese and Spanish banks an...
Read full storyMoon mystery solved: it's cheese, say eggheads
After years of study, a highly-paid team of researchers has confirmed that the Moon is in fact made of cheese after all. After visiting the moon in 1969, the American space agency NASA declared that the Earth's only natural satellite was composed...
Read full storyIrish minister held at gunpoint in EU treaty referendum poser
Ballybollox, Eire - (Shergar Mess): Ireland's European Affairs minister Dick Roche has been held hostage at gunpoint during an EU Treaty Referendum Mark 2 seige. He was grabbed by hooded armed robbers who then escaped with an undisclosed referendu...
Read full story'Madoff made off with my dosh' sobs Nicola Whorelicks
Canary Warp - (Sorry Ass Mess): City darling and financial wonder woman Nicola Whorelicks told a press conference today she is gutted at losing $500 million to an innovative Off-the-Wall St Ponzi scheme run by George Bush's personal hedge fund manage...
Read full storyShoe bomber puts the boot in Bush
Baghdad - (Loadofoldcobblers! Mess): Iraq's notorious shoe bomber got his moment of revenge yesterday putting the boot into President George W Bush during a prime-time televised photo-op. Muntadar al-Zeidi clearly didn't like the smarmy way in whi...
Read full storyPaul Ince To Become First Black British Premier League Manager To Be Sacked
Paul Ince the Blackburn Rovers manager, and the first black Briton to become a Premier League manager, is this morning being tipped to become the first black British PL manager to be sacked. It's another notable distinction for Ince, who had a gli...
Read full storyBush throws shoe at Cheney who misses but hits Iraqi reporter instead
Baghdad Iraq - US President George.W. Bush's surprise visit to Baghdad on Saturday ceased to be a surprise after he hit a famous journalist with his size 10 shoe. The president had been accompanied in the visit by his Vice Dick Cheney to witness...
Read full storyShoes Thrown at Bush in Baghdad
Handbagdad, Iraq - US President George W Bush declared both his presidency and his wardrobe completed today when an Iraqi journalist hurled shoes at him during a press conference on his farewell visit to the war-torn country. Ducking behind the po...
Read full storyShoes Declare War on Bush
It seemed that it was just the actions of some nutty jihad crazed fundamentalist, when an Iraqi journalist threw his shoes at Bush the other day, but repeated incidents of shoe throwing have changed many experts opinion on what caused the footwear hu...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing - Semi-Final To Be Re-Danced
In view of the tremendous amount of anger expressed by viewers of its dance show, Strictly Come Dancing, and the amount of publicity it has received, it is considering scrapping the result of Saturday's episode, and having the whole sorry mess re-dan...
Read full storySanta is bald!
Paparazzi pictures from Lapland have shown that Santa Claus is balder than a politician's lie. The spirit of Christmas was spotted pottering in his garden prior to his busiest day of the year, tending his marigolds wearing a Dolci and Gabana red s...
Read full storyStrictly Come Dancing Row As Shit Hits Fan
There was new drama on the Strictly Come Dancing stage on Saturday night, when members of the studio audience rioted when the result was announced, and a major fight broke out. Ten people were hurt, one man seriously, after a turd thrown from a ba...
Read full storyLarge Hadron Collider now a sex symbol
The Large Hadron Collider, located in Switzerland, has achieved a notoriety it would never have been previously dreamed possible: as a sex symbol. Hundreds of females who have visited the web site have emailed the CERN corporation who manage the...
Read full storyBush Shoe Tosser Signed By The Seattle Mariners
SEATTLE, Washington - The Seattle Mariners who in 2008, had the worst record in the American League (61-101) have just signed Muntazer al-Zaidi to a three year, $3 million pitching contract. Al-Zaidi is the Iraqi journalist who threw two shoes at...
Read full storyKinnear Tells Marriage Counselor: I'll Do Anything to Keep Michael Owen Happy
There's a failing marriage in Newcastle but according to a marital adviser who wished to remain nameless Joe Kinnear is doing everything he can to rescue the relationship. Despite Michael Owens' complaints about alienation of affection and cold p...
Read full storyWhite House Tits
Fifth Lady Hairy Bush showed her tits to Michael Oblama in the Black House - and her daughters gave her a lap dance in the mansion that will soon become her home. After the two couples fondled and kissed each other at the executive mansion's, they...
Read full storyObama Presidency of The Country Formerly Known as the US of A is cancelled
Recent economic developments have reduced the US of A to a bankrupt conglomerate in receivership to a variety of foreign countries and international corporations with a smattering of involvement of good old fashioned former American billionaires.
Read full storyPaper is a waste of trees
Material sent out by candidates and officials in September's Council polls was enough to fill up two Parks and one forest with trees, according to a concern group study. Dog owners Acting for People and the Environment said 551 tonnes of paper we...
Read full storyEvangelical Opiate of the People: The Commoners' Religious Bailout
The 2008 recession has proven to bad for all business except one. The evangelical enterprise of numbing the hopelessness of the ordinary human by relieving them of their last dime has turned out to be a boom industry. Church attendance is skyro...
Read full storyThai Tranny Leadership Contest Underway
BIGCOCK, Thailand - Chicks with dicks party leader Albut Vagina won a majority of votes in a transexual leadership party on Monday and was expected to be named Thailand's next top Transexual. The cock in one of the Representatives mouth was unoffi...
Read full storyThrowing Things at Bush: New International Epidemic
An Iraqi journalist whose pent up frustration with the destruction of his country and hundreds of thousands of his fellow citizens by Bush's unnecessary war release his anger by throwing both of his shoes at Bush. Bush stood behind a podium during a...
Read full storyMarijuana Has Big Medical Benefits and Counters Deadly Effects of Aspartame
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - A food and drug watchdog announced Tuesday that its new scientific studies supported the medical and recreational use of marijuana "by rats and other mammal creatures." Chief Ralph Roachman made the startling announcement...
Read full storyBush: Another Day
MADHDAD - On a public trip shrouded in secrecy and marred by marmite, President George W. Bush on Sunday hailed himself queen and got a queen size mattress reminder of his unpopularity when a man hurled a mattress at him during a karaoke contest in I...
Read full storyNew Beatles Anthology
A new 22,575-page Beatles anthology/biography will be released next summer, according to little-known author and self-proclaimed Beatles expert, George Lennon-McCartney. "I've got everything you ever wanted to know about the Beatles in there so...
Read full storyWinter Solstice Sun/Pluto Conjunction: Yule Be Sorry Obama, Skull 'n' Bonesmen Reckon
The Cosmos - (Hellfire Club Mess): The Oracle has spoken. Next weekend's apocalyptic Sun/Pluto conjunction Winter Solstice will seal Barack Obama's fate. According to psychic loss adjustors on the payroll of the Ancient American Order of the Sk...
Read full story