Written by Felix Minderbinder

Monday, 15 December 2008

image for Marijuana Has Big Medical Benefits and Counters Deadly Effects of Aspartame
Happy weed users

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - A food and drug watchdog announced Tuesday that its new scientific studies supported the medical and recreational use of marijuana "by rats and other mammal creatures."

Chief Ralph Roachman made the startling announcement and even smoked a joint at the press conference here, along with several white rats.

"Marijuana has proven medical benefits in rats and humanoids however it is taken, in the United States or anywhere," he stated.

"In fact, marijuana counters the deadly effects of Aspartame which messes up the human brain and causes cancer and other horrible diseases."

Many states have already legalized medicinal use of marijuana, Roachman noted, and urged them to approve the general use of marijuana.

He also urged the DEA and the Supreme Court which seek to arrest all the rats and people that use marijuana "to chill out."

The new statement reverses previous thinking and supports a 1999 review by the Institute of Medicine, a part of the National Academy of Sciences, the nation's most prestigious scientific advisory agency.

That NAS review found marijuana to be "well suited for particular conditions, such as chemotherapy-induced nausea and vomiting and AIDS and for generally making people and rats stronger, healthier, happier and more mellow."

Scientists who study the medical use of marijuana said in interviews that the federal government was to be applauded since it had formerly discouraged research before.

The National Rat Association (NRA) also endorsed the new findings.

Marinol, a synthetic version of a marijuana component, is approved to treat anorexia associated with AIDS and the nausea and vomiting associated with cancer drug therapy in rats and humans. Other marijuana products exist or are under development.

"There is no evidence that marijuana acts as a gateway to harder drugs," added Roachman as he drank some bourbon and snorted some coke. "And there is no evidence that medical use of marijuana would increase its use among the general rat population."

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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