Sunderland Appoint Keegan And Shearer

Funny story written by Tess Tickles

Monday, 15 December 2008

image for Sunderland Appoint Keegan And Shearer
A Sunderland fan reacts to the news.

Sunderland have hired Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer to steer them through the rest of the season in their battle against relegation, Niall Quinn confirmed in a press conference today.

"We've thought long and hard about who we wanted", stated Quinn. "We considered Roberto Mancini and Dick Advocaat but in the end we opted for two men who symbolize everything that Sunderland F.C. is all about-Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer."

Shearer and Keegan are expected to take over all duties at the club with Shearer taking training and Keegan having the final say on transfer dealings.

"It's an honour", said Keegan. "I love this club. We've been through a lot together. My heart and soul are in this city and I bleed Black and er, red and white.You know I love these fans. I'm one of them. Our bond couldn't be stronger."

Shearer was equally enthusiastic as he prepared for the task ahead: "I've been waiting for the right moment to become a boss and I think I couldn't have chosen a better time. I'm just happy to be back at the club who hold a special place in my heart. Let's get this club back to where they belong-the top of the champ...er, Premiership."

The duo have already appointed backroom staff at the Stadium Of Light, with Paul Gascoigne being appointed dietician and David Ginola, hair stylist.

Sunderland are also getting ready to splash the cash in the January transfer window with Jackie Milburn and 'basically any player Newcastle want to offload' on the shopping list, according to Keegan.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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