Government re-introduces trial by combat to cut prison numbers
In an effort to reduce the prison population, the Government will pass legislation bringing back the Medieval practice of "trial by combat".
Read full storySpying fruit flies developed
Shortly after the University of Tokyo announced it had created remote-controlled cockroaches in 1997, the Hollywood blockbuster film "Fifth Element" depi...
Read full storyBig stone heads found on mountain top
Archaeologists investigating a lost civilisation have uncovered four big stone heads on a mountain top in a land mass thousands of miles west of England.
Read full storyRon Paul Ads Visible From Space
5 Sep 07, NEW YORK CITY, NY, USNA-- Manhattan Meetup #50 has won a campaign contest for most acres covered by Ron Paul signage. Members created a "GOOGLE RON...
Read full storyHave Aliens Taken Over our Pubs?
Lukewarm speculation is gathering momentum amongst the hospitality industry as to the nature of a new pub phenomenon - the 'silent drinker'. Landlords and bar staff across the country are increasingly reporting on this astonishing development...
Read full storyGrand jury subpoenas for Doolittle aides over being in bed with Abramoff
Washington - (Associated Mess): The Labor Day week has started off badly for House of representatives Appropriations Committee former member John Doolittle,...
Read full storyCub Scout Passenger found not guilty
A pretty STUDENT, who also works with disabled children, who was prosecuted for assaulting a train inspector on a train by whacking him in the goolies with her flip-flops walked free from court today with an absolute discharge.
Read full storyBelgian prosecutors slam Scientology as a criminal organization
Brussels, Belgium - (Ass Mess): BAD luck Tom Cruise, John Revolta, etc. A top Belgian prosecutor, Jean-Claude Van Espen, has recommended today that the American-based Church of Scientology is indicted for fraud and extortion and that the entire org...
Read full storyBush Body Double Fools Many in Iraq
Bagdad, Iraq (IP) - American troops and security forces had taken their positions as the American military jet rolled to a stop on the main runway of Baghdad's airport.
Read full storyDad's no queer!
Washington - (Ass Mess) "No way is our dad queer!" Senator Larry Craig's children said today after telling press reporters that they "questioned him explicitly" about what exactly it is that men do in airport bathrooms, other...
Read full storyRon Paul Is The Greatest Candidate Evar!!!11!!eleventyone!!!
DAYTON, OH (AP Newsliar) -- This "The Spoof" reporter would like to publicly proclaim that Ron Paul is the greatest candidate who ever lived. Even better than Ronald Reagan. Way, way better than those hacks Romney and Giuliani.
Read full storyGorillas Get Revenge in Rwanda
Rwanda, Africa (IP) - Gorillas in Rwanda took revenge against poachers in the dark jungles of Rwanda last night.
Read full storyParis Hilton connection amid JFK Jr/Payne Stewart fears over Steve Fossett
Nevada - (Ass Mess) Fears are mounting of a JFK Junior/ Payne Stewart-type of plane vanishing act for US adventurer Steve Fossett.
Read full storyRoddick Refuses To Get Out Of Bed for Federer Clash
American tennis star Andy Roddick has refused to get out of bed for his US Open quarter final clash with Roger Federer preferring to 'lie in, order pizza and watch some classic episodes of The Beverly Hillbillies in a white flag move unprecedented i...
Read full storyItalians plan pasta boycott for one day; Pope evacuates Vatican City; Police placed on tactical alert as country braces for violence
Rome, Italy - As word of the planned boycott of pasta, because the rising cost of the county's food staple spreads throughout the country, so does widespread panic. It is rumored that the Pope has already left the country advising priest and nuns...
Read full storyTony Blair Haunts the Commons
An ominous crow seen flying around the house of commons in the last few weeks is thought to be the animal form of former PM Tony Blair.
Read full storyMicrosoft tycoon breeds worlds first chicken-man
Multi-billionaire Microsoft chairman Bill Gates and his wife Melinda have successfully bred the first chicken-man.
Read full storyDonald Rumsfeld crushes Rene Zellweger
Former White House loon Donald Rumsfeld has admitted to trying to crush "Jerry Maguire" actress Rene Zellweger, between a bookcase and wall.
Read full storyArrested Developments Portia de Rossi fits sack of flour in her mouth
Arrested Development's Portia de Rossi has stuffed her mouth with 18oz of self-raising flour, according to friend, country singer Lyle Lovitt.
Read full storyExpect a Federer walk-over in Roddick match
Flushing Meadows - (Ass Mess): Bookmakers are going crazy offering odds of 1-5 on number one seed Roger Federrer wiping the floor with Andy Roddick in Wednesday's quarter-finals of the US Open at Flushing Meadows.
Read full storyIllegal Immigrant Shoots English Speaking Machine
An illegal immigrant from Mexico today shot and killed a machine at the self-service checkout stand at a local Home Depot, a large home improvement supplies store, in Los Angeles.
Read full storyMichael Moore documentary tackles Michael Moore documentaries
Swashbuckling documentarian Michael Moore's latest project sees the fat man taking on the might of himself.
Read full storyCalifornia - Germany in Global Warming Partnership create Green Club
PRBS Newswire - Sacramento - Germany is taking the fight on Global Warming to California. The Germafornia plan will reduce Global Warming Emmisions World Wide.
Read full storyParty animal pussy
Sydney, Austalia - (Ass Mess): Following earlier reports this week that pussy is high up on Australians' menu preferences these days a Sydney newspaper has featured a story about a cocaine-crazed pussy that survived its owners' long lost week...
Read full storyBush disbanded Iraqi army on Rove astrologer's advice
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): A tarot reading from Karl Rove's personal astrologer and psychic counselor resulted in the Iraqi army, navy, air force and police service being disbanded according to a new book published this week.
Read full storyEngland Look Forward To Missing Lampard
England manager Steve McClaren can look forward to his team's Saturday kick-off against Israel with renewed optimism following the news that Chelsea midfielder Frank Lamp-post is...
Read full storyLescott And Heskey Called Up As McClaren Gets Desperate
England manager Steve McClaren hit rock bottom today when, faced with various injury crises, he called up none other than two ex-TV advertising stars, the Everton defender Joleon Lescott and much-travelled Wigan stri...
Read full storyHurricane Felix Weakened by Motorized Iceberg
Panama Canal, Panama (IP) Hurricane Felix was weakened by icebergs towed in front of its path by Panamanian scientists working aboard Panamanian navy ships borrowed from the military.
Read full storyBritney Spears to Fly Naked On Next Shuttle
Cape Canaveral, Florida (IP) - NASA has been complaining for years about the lack of interest today's youth seems to show in the space program. NASA officials have finally come up with a solution to that problem.
Read full storyHarry Potter - Dobbie the house elf is based on President Putin
The Kemlin has accused the British government and film industry of basing the character of Dobbie the house elf in the Harry Potter films on President Putin.
Read full storyBollywood Device Becomes New Transportation Mode
New Delco, India (IP) - A blimp like device used in a recent Bollywood movie has gone into full scale production and has become the latest craze in transportation.
Read full storyBizare Happenings
People awoke in Europe today to find their lives turned upside down. Reports Jim Wilson, from the Centre for the Study of Europe (CSE). To enhance the boundaries of the EU edict no 12356/07 was initiated from Brussels at midnight CET today. This has...
Read full storyMeteor Creates Near Riot Conditions
Lake Okeechobee, Florida (IP) - The giant meteor that bounced off of Lake Okeechobee yesterday has created social chaos along the southern shores of the lake. The meteor came in at a 10% angle and bounced off of the lake and headed back into space.
Read full storyAmerican Airlines Bringing Back Old Prop Planes, Sans Cabin Pressure!
St. Louis - American Airlines announced today it is cutting orders with Boeing and purchasing 50 moth balled relics stored in the Mohabi desert. They will spend $10,000 per plane to have them shipped on a container ship to China, where they will be r...
Read full storyThe Fonz - not really the epitome of Cool
Shock news has reached us that Arthur 'The Fonz' Fonzerelli from 1950's documentary 'Happy Days' really was not as cool or as dangerous as anybody thought.
Read full storyNew series of French and Saunders leads BBC drama season
The BBC kicks off its autumn drama season with a new series starring Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders.
Read full story'Mou' on the move?
Reports coming in from Anfield suggest that one of the names vying to replace the purportedly outbound Pako Ayestaran as Rafa Benitez' Assistant Manager is Jose Mourinho.
Read full storyItalian divers attempt to live underwater for two weeks as part of a new test pilot witness protection program
Rome, Italy - Somewhere under the Sea, 15 meters beneath the surface of the water off the island of Ponza near Rome, six very brave men in diving bells hope to realize their mutual dream come true: to live long enough to see tomorrow, oblivious to th...
Read full storyChrist returns to Earth; Christians crucify Him again
WASHINGTON D.C.: The long-awaited Second Coming of Christ occured last week and went largely unnoticed. This is apparently because it ended much as the First Coming did: with the arrest, torture and execution of Christ.
Read full storyFred Dalton Thompson Gives Mount Rushmore a Makeover
The granite sculptures of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln on Mount Rushmore in South Dakota will soon have company.
Read full storyA Wiccan Is a Winner
Phones, fax lines, and websites at Wiccan headquarters around the globe have been buzzing with frantic demands for information.
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