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Read full storyDarth Vader regrets working for Woolworths
Lord Vader, the asthmatic anti-hero of space documentary Star Wars has recently lamented the down turn in his career which now sees him working for Woolworths.
Read full storyNorthern Rock to become sperm bank
City of London - (Ass mess): Northern Rock is to forfeit its banking licence and start again as a sperm bank according to City sources who say it's screwed up so badly the only deposits it will be allowed to take are the ones its tosser CEO Adam...
Read full storyCrocodile Rock!
Northern Rock are going to be bailed out - by Elton John! In an eleventh hour last-ditch shock development, the Queen of Pop has agreed to not let the sun go down on the troubled mortgage giant.
Read full storyBranson's McCann legal fund will bomb same as his doomed Jet Convulsion Lab rocket
London - (Disaster Mess): Richard Branson has been warned that his £100,000 McCann legal defence fund will bomb in the same way as his Jet Convulsion Lab off-plan Virgin Intergalactic Shuttle which crashed into to Mojave desert in July this...
Read full storyAhmadinejad Calls Sarkozy 'A Git.'
In a shock move today, Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, labelled the French leader Sarkozy a 'git.'...
Read full storyTony Benn's Diaries are Fakes
In a sensational confession by Tony Benn, it has emerged that all 2 billion entries in his diaries are fakes.
Read full storyScientology is "alright", claims quack
Harvard educated quack, Dr Ulick Myballz, has announced the results of a five year study into The Church of Scientology conducted by his team.
Read full storySatan challenges God to show his "man-hood"
Satan has challenged creator of the universe and everything that exists, God, to reveal the true size of his man-hood.
Read full storyPresident Bush consults with OJ Simpson
President George Bush has been in consultation with disgraced loony OJ Simpson over how best to handle the Iraq crisis.
Read full storyIreland to expel German Ambassador over 'Greedy Irish' remarks.
The Irish government is today considering the expulsion of the German Ambassador to Ireland after he blasted the Irish nation as 'Avaricious' when making a speech to a group of German Industrialists at Dublin's Clontarf Castle.
Read full storyBranson trumps Murdoch on moral high ground YET AGAIN!
While Rupert Murdoch's evil Sky Media Empire was putting up its prices and breaching contracts, Virgin's boss, Richard Branson, touched by the plight of Leicestershire couple Kate and Gerry McCann
Read full storyLib Dems show the carbon neutral way
Lib Dem Environment spokesman Chris Huhne has set out his party's agenda for the next general election and aims to cure global warming and homelessness in one fell swoop.
Read full storyScribbles And Dribbles
Journalists turned novelists are all the rage of late. We've had Nick Hornby and Helen Fielding to name but two, as well as Julie Burchill, Tony Parsons and Zoe Heller. Even Richard Littlejohn cranked out a book - 'To The Bargain Bin In A Blink.' To this esteemed list you may now add Robert Doot, our financial columnist of twelve years, whose debut novel 'A Bull In The Business Dep...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens 'tongue-in-cheek' oral sex videotape claims
Los Angeles, California - (Ass Mess & ReuterUs): Publicists working for High School Musical starlet Vanesa Hudgens have said internet stories about their client's alleged oral sex videotape are just a bit of 'tongue-in-cheek' fun...
Read full storyPortugese Police Claim British Police Hampered McCann Case
In a dramatic new twist, Portuguese police today claimed that British Police have hampered their most determined efforts in the case of tragic missing Madeleine McCann.
Read full storyBush To Pardon Osama Bin Laden
(Washington) - In a political effort to distract voters, the Republican Party today announced that terrorist Osama Bin Laden will be pardoned by President Bush sometime before the 2008 election.
Read full storyLarry Craig lavatory wins World Heritage Site status
Minneapolis - (Ass Mess): The Minneapolis-St Paul Airport lavatory immortalised by Senator Larry Craig's mouth-to-organ resuscitation techniques has been granted World Heritage Site status after the tourism industry reported massive dema...
Read full storyHouse burglars' glee at £5 billion Northern Rock cash withdrawals
London - (Disaster Mess): It promises to be a bumper week for the nation's house burglars as a relentless public plunge on the Northern Rock guarantees bank customers' mattresses will be bulging with stacks of those Bank of England gift vouch...
Read full storyMcClaren Calls Up Women Footballers
England football manager Steve McClaren is to draft in some of the players from of the England Women's Team after their stunning 6-1 victory over Argentina in the Female World Cup in China.
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Gets Tough with Apathetic Writer, Docks Points
MACEDONIA, OHIO (Heewack News Network)-- Occasional TheSpoof.com contributor Heewack (not his real name) was stunned this morning to find that he had earned minus-2 points so far today, a development he called "unprecedented in his two-month his...
Read full storyDoctors ordered to swap white coats for gorilla costumes
Patients groups have expressed bewilderment at Government plans to force hospital doctors to give up their traditional white coats and wear gorilla costumes instead.
Read full storyOJ goes to get his ball: gets arrested
The adult version of "can we have our ball back" went horribly wrong for OJ Simpson and his friend, who ended up being arrested.
Read full storyBattleground Any Town, USA
SOMEWHERE IN WISCONSIN- Fires are visible now from both camps and a smell that might be something chemical is wafting from where most of the troop has gathered. This is most likely the roasting of the large animal that was trudged in during this mor...
Read full storySticky-End Date-u-lator
Doc Martin, a recluse from Essex, has designed a computer programme able to predict snuff-it dates based on what he calls The Sticky-End Factor i.e. the more enemies you have - the more likelihood there is of you meeting a sticky-end!...
Read full storySir Ming to Flounce
Sir Menzies (Ming the Merciless) Campbell, Lib Dem leader, is expected to test the loyalty of fellow Lib Dem at their conference this week.
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