Stan Gelbaugh Announces he will not run for President
Oakland, CA (CNN) - 83-year-old homeless man, Stan Gelbaugh, loudly proclaimed today that he will not be running for President. This is the 13th election since he became of legal age to run for President that he has opted not to.
Read full storyRex Grossman: "Intercept the Cure"
Little six year old Ryan O'Conner of Skokie, Illinois spends most of his days hooked up to a series of tubes and machines. He has spent the past seventeen months living in room 221 at Children's Memorial Hospital, staring out the window, suffering silently in indescribable pain.
Read full storyMusharrif: The Bitch Is Back
Pakistan (TheSpoof.com)- Exiled Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto returned back to Pakistan after eight years. The former Prime Minister was greeted with cheers from the people and bombs from the government.
Read full storyDr Phil's Wife is a Hottie!
Phil McGraw, aka Dr. Phil, has his own popular TV show, writes best selling self-help books, and is married to a hottie. How did he do it? What's his secret?...
Read full storyPresident Bush Demands Congressional Medal Returned
This morning during a press conference President Bush, the leader of the most free country in the world, demanded that the Dalai Lama give back the Congressional Medal awarded by Congress on Wednesday.
Read full storyBush Floats World War Three Trial Balloon
Washington, D.C. -- During a speech yesterday the President of the United States, George W. Bush, raised the fear factor up a considerable notch by alluding to a possible third world war if Iran were allowed to gain nuclear weapons.
Read full storyWales - World Champions of a Sport at Last
The rugby shaped void in Welsh School Curriculum's following the Welsh Assembly's decision to ban rugby from Wales has at last been filled with the inventi...
Read full storyWeird Little Poems #1: TV Dinner
Numb nosed and shout proud, all rowdy and louded in they glided and table-sided us mild dining, romantic hiders.
Read full storyAlarm at Increase in Crimes for Charity
Public outcry has followed release of new government figures showing a large increase in crimes committed for charity.
Read full storyOral Roberts President Lies Low
Tulsa, Oklahoma - (Ass Mess): Oral Roberts University president Richard Roberts has told the press he has taken indefinite leave of his senses from his missionary position of fourteen years and has to lie low for a while.
Read full storyMadonna signs multi-million $$$ deal with The Devil
Pop superstar Madonna has signed a deal worth millions with his satanic magesty, The Devil. At a press conference in Malawi, the singer announced the details of the deal to the astonished press.
Read full storyZachary Quinto to play Captain Kirk's Vulcan gay love interest in Star Trek prequel
Hollywood - (Sci-Fi Mess): Tom Cruise-lookalike Zachary Quinto has been cast as a gay young Mr Spock in the Star Trek prequel film featuring Smokin' Aces actor Chris Pine as the firmly-in-the-closet Captain Kirk and Lord of The Rings...
Read full storyIran gives up Nukes
Iranian President Mahamoud Ahmajinedad announced today that Iran was shutting down its Nuclear Program following an Impassioned letter from President Bush...
Read full storyLiechtenstein nukes Liverpool: Several nations rejoice
London, England - In a hitherto unsuspected display of military and technological prowess, the tiny Central European Principality of Liechtenstein this morning launched an ICBM and successfully exploded it over the northern English city of Liverpool.
Read full story'Don't let Iran cause World War Three', pleads George Bush
Washington - (AssoCIAted Mess): "....because it's mah God-given right to do that!" the desperate US President begged today.
Read full storyMen who exercise vigorously more fit than men who don't exercise
A 12 year, $18 million, government backed study of middle aged men conducted at Tufts University in Medford, MA reveals that men who exercise vigorously up to 3 times per week are more fit than men who spend most of their time sitting in chairs.
Read full storyRacist gene-discovering Nobel Laureate banned from Museum talk
London - (Noballs Mess): London's Unnatural Hystery Museum has banned a world renowned Nobel Laureate from lecturing about genes on Friday because he is a tosser.
Read full storyLondon's Westminster City Council to use Giant Street Vacuums to pick up Homeless
LONDON - City of Westminster Council has unveiled a new machine to deal with its growing number of nuisance vagrants, it has to clear up during the night.
Read full storyTop Ten Results of the Heat Caused by Global Warming
10. The phrase "go to Hell" is received as a message of hope...
Read full storyIBM to Outsource 200% of its Workforce
IBM has announced plans to outsource 200% of its workforce to India and China. IBM VP of Human Resources Dinesh Gupta and VP of Worldwide Finance Mai Lai have devised a strategy to reduce costs and provide IBM with a backup of every person in the com...
Read full storyGiuliani Vows to be America's First Drag Queen President
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- Rudy Giuliani vows to be America's first Drag Queen President in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.
Read full storyHealth is Bad for You Shocker
London, Englandshire - A recently leaked government health paper on the obesity problem in the UK is claiming that "obesity is now more harmful than smoking." It concludes that overweight non-smokers are shortening their lifespans by up to...
Read full storyMcClaren To Rely On Jews For Miracle
Steve McClaren, the beleaguered England manager, faces dismissal this morning after a night of shame in Russia that leaves his team needing a miracle to qualify for the Finals of the Euro 2008 championships.
Read full storyPrivate Security Organisation Announce Life Insurance Plans
A US private security organisation, at the centre of the ongoing investigation into killing of 17 innocent Iraqi civilians, has announced plans to sell Life Insurance.
Read full storyKnicks lose heartbreaker to Celtics
The New York Knicks suffered what could be a demoralizing loss last night to the Boston Celtics 101-61.
Read full storyHeaven's Gate Cult Return From Outerspace
Rancho Santa Fe, California - Thirty-eight members of the former 'Heaven's Gate' cult have returned from outerspace after spending the last decade riding a spaceship with Jesus Christ. The cult members had departed Earth in 1997 when
Read full storyPelosi: Impeachment Still Off the Table
Washington D.C. -- Democratic House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, reiterated that impeachment inquiries of both President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney were "still off the table" today. The Speaker openly acknowledges the blatant "lawlessness" wi...
Read full storyFerry workers use pot regularly
Ferry workers are getting ready for the hardship of having to hide their pot-smoking from view, after the T.S.B. has made the recommendation that active crewmembers not smoke pot while on the job.
Read full storyGod still punishing them many southerners feel
The latest drought in the southeast has many southerners wondering why God is still punishing them. Ever since the Civil War, southerners have felt out of favor with their Master.
Read full storyNew Spice Girls Album Only Available At Victoria's Secret
Victoria's Secret announced today that it will be the exclusive retailer for the newest Spice Girl's album. The album, which will contain the group's greatest hits plus some new songs, will not be available at any other record store or outlet. Vi...
Read full storyDalai Lama Visits Washington, President Bush
The Dalai Lama paid a state visit to Washington D.C. and the White House today. President and Mrs. Bush greeting him on the South Lawn and held a brief press conference for reporters before going inside for meetings and lunch.
Read full storyBody Spray Causes Cancer
SCOTTSBLUFF, NE -- A group of dental tech students at Western Nebraska Community College have accidentally discovered that branded body sprays and body washes cause cancer in laboratory animals.
Read full storyHee Haw DVDs Responsible for Slew of Highway Fatalities
KINGMAN, AZ -- Darlene Quinn is a cashier at the Kingman, Arizona, Love's Truck Stop who is starting to think of herself of a merchant of death. She does, after all, sell beer, cigarettes and the "Hee Haw" DVDs that have caused no less...
Read full storyEnthusiasm Low for Lars Ulrich Solo Project
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- Poor Lars Ulrich. Absolutely no one is in the least bit interested in the Metallica drummer's first solo release, a collection of his favorite Danish Christmas carols, tentatively called "Jule," (pronounced You-La)...
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