Oral Roberts President Lies Low

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 18 October 2007


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This is bad for Oral Roberts

Tulsa, Oklahoma - (Ass Mess): Oral Roberts University president Richard Roberts has told the press he has taken indefinite leave of his senses from his missionary position of fourteen years and has to lie low for a while.

Roberts stepped into his founding father's shoes to lead the wacko, charismatic, fundie spawning pool and help pioneer the concept of "Seedy Faith," whose mantra is God Helps Those Who Help Themselves.

Students are taught that "like a plant growing from the investment of a seed" the Almighty moves in a mysterious way to show how miracles can be bought.

And how God can be manipulated with generous hand-outs to wacky televangelist preachers.

The institution's Student Charter is explicit about the boundaries of convention expected of all those buying in to their mind-crap.

Everybody is required to sign up to the university's honor code which prohibits "lying, cheating, cursing, smoking, drinking, gambling and unnatural sexual acts including masturbation, homosexual behavior and genital-oral contact."

Controversy has dogged Oral which had to shut its seminal Oral Roberts University School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine in 1981 after faculty staff infected 50 undergraduates with a severely debilitating form of African gonhorrea.

In 1986 the university had to shut down its ailing law school after the US Justice Department said it was churning our lawyers who were certifiable.

The University then sent its entire library to the Rev Pat Robertson college in Virginia which subsequently founded the Regent University School of Law (sic).

Last week three former Oral professors filed a lawsuit alleging a catalogue of corruption practices "eclipsed in gravity only by Alaska's Corrupt Bastards Club lawmakers".

The depositions, filed in Tulsa this week, allege "intimidation, blackmail and extortion".

Poppy Oral must be turning in his grave.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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