Oakland, CA (CNN) - 83-year-old homeless man, Stan Gelbaugh, loudly proclaimed today that he will not be running for President. This is the 13th election since he became of legal age to run for President that he has opted not to.
When asked why he won't be running he replied "who are you and why are you bothering me". Then he took another sip of Mad Dog 20/20, grumbled incoherently and rolled over.
This is a startling development considering the number of candidates running for the highest office in the land this year (not including manager of the New York Yankees). Many people were certain that Stan Gelbaugh would change his mind and toss his hat, or ratty scarf as it would be, into the ring this time. Even Mr. Gelbaughs parole officer, Kelly Stouffer, stated "I am shocked! Stan's still alive? He owes me money".
Many people believed he would select fellow drunkard and homeless entrepreneur Dan McGwire as his running mate. Mr. McGwire didn't hide his disappointment when he said "I really thought this would be the year the meek would inherit the earth".
Dan McGwire, as many know, is the inventor of the refrigerator box Skylight because as Dan puts it "even the homeless deserve a touch of class".
Dan then took a big swig of Jack Daniels, grumbled incoherently, and rolled over.