Utah Restaurant Declared National Disaster Site

Funny story written by Zack Matheson

Thursday, 18 October 2007

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SALT LAKE CITY, UT -- It seemed like just another typical evening at the Chuck-A-Rama buffet on South State Street. Diners and employees alike had no idea about the magnitude of the carnage about to take place.

At 5:52 Mountain Standard Time, a rented tour bus riding low on its axles pulled into the Chuck-A-Rama parking lot and unleashed an entire bus full of members of Overeaters Anonymous on the unsuspecting people inside the restaurant.

"It was horrible," said dishwasher Lazlo Plunkett, "They ate everything. We couldn't get food out there fast enough. Eventually they started eating anything they could get their hands on; plates, silverware, condiment bottles and even other guests."

As the members of Overeaters Anonymous ravaged the buffet tables, those caught inside the restaurant were faced with the task of wading though the large heaps of refuse left by the insatiable eaters. The floors were littered with bones, melon rinds, shrimp tails, half eaten food articles and wadded-up paper napkins and the amount of garbage kept piling up.

At the pleading of the manager, the National Guard was finally called in to control the situation.

"Those people wouldn't go willingly, that's for sure," commented National Guard Captain Willis Young. Once all the people were cleared out of the restaurant, a HAZMAT crew was called in.

Surveying the damage by helicopter, Utah Governor Jon Huntsman, Jr., declared the restaurant a national disaster site, though he is reluctant to call in FEMA. "It could be weeks before we get those FEMA jokers up here," said the Governor. "We might just have to bulldoze the place and start over from scratch."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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