Giuliani Vows to be America's First Drag Queen President

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Thursday, 18 October 2007

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image for Giuliani Vows to be America's First Drag Queen President
"Ruby" appearing straight

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- Rudy Giuliani vows to be America's first Drag Queen President in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.

"Yes, I will cross dress in the Oval Office to be not only the Chief Executive of the USA, but also its First Lady if elected!" he boasted.

"Ruby" Giuliani was reacting to his recent endorsement for president by the New York City Drag Queen Union, which represents the city's thousands of female impersonators, burlesque performers and cross-dressing sex trade workers.

Giuliani is in the lead among conservative voters in the Republican presidential race, despite the New Yorker's chronic transvestism, his three marriages and sexual escapades, and his liberal views on abortion, guns and gays.

"I am a Republican leader with a new look and a new orientation," he gushed. "I will make a highly sensitive president, one closely in touch with my feminine side."

Hundreds of videotapes of Giuliani abound on YouTube dressed as a woman, and they receive thousands of views every day. Many tapes show the divine Ruby smooching Donald Trump who is groping him.

Yet a close look suggests his support from the GOP's hard-core right wing is less than meets the eye, according to recent Associated Press-Ipsos polls.

Conservatives, evangelicals and born-again voters, and strongly loyal Republicans who back Giuliani tend to be less conservative, less religiously active, less supportive of President Bush, and more likely to cross dress, the surveys show.

Giuliani, the Republican front-runner, is thus left with a loose hold on the most intensely conservative voters which form the GOP's core.

Interviews with Republicans surveyed and conservative leaders show part of Giuliani's allure is the tough reputation he developed after the 911 attacks on his city while he was mayor.

But many conservatives are alienated by Giuliani.

"I just can't vote for that pro-choice, transvestite freak," said Leonard Lamebrain, who heads the Southern Baptist Convention's bible banger division.

"Voters will realize they're better off with Fred Thompson as a true conservative, although both candidates are in the pocket of AIPAC and Israel and thus traitors to the true America," he added.

But embattled Larry Craig said that Giuliani "has my vote and my heart."

"I'd meet that old queen in an airport washroom any day of the week," he frankly admitted.

-Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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