Written by NickFun

Thursday, 18 October 2007

image for Men who exercise vigorously more fit than men who don't exercise
Justin King arrives for the grueling 26 mile marathon

A 12 year, $18 million, government backed study of middle aged men conducted at Tufts University in Medford, MA reveals that men who exercise vigorously up to 3 times per week are more fit than men who spend most of their time sitting in chairs.

"Our research has proven that men who exercise are much more fit than men who sit around most of the time doing nothing", claimed Dr Carmen Castaneda Sceppa, M.D., Ph.D. a Scientist of Nutrition and Exercise Physiology at Tufts.

Dr Sceppa's research of 250 men revealed that overweight, middle aged men who sat in chairs throughout the experiment were more likely to pass out or die of heart attacks when subjected to a full-course 26 mile marathon than men who exercised and ran daily.

"Of the 125 overweight, out of shape men, 16 of them died after less than 3 miles, 37 more head heart attacks but survived and the rest either passed out or pulled out because of bad legs cramps except for one who made it 5 miles but was disqualified when we discovered he was exercising in his spare time. Among the 125 fit men, none of them died, 3 passed out after 15 miles, only 10 had bad legs cramps. The rest of them finished the race with no obvious health defects."

Dr Roger Pilkington of Harvard said that the study only proves that men who do not exercise would not be able to run a marathon. "How many of us need to run marathons anyway?" Dr Pilkington asked. "Sedentary men who do not run marathons have no greater chance of dying than the fit men so long as they remain motionless."

Justin King, a 53 year old computer analyst and one of the sedentary participants, expressed surprise at his inability to finish the race. "I work out of my home", King said. "The only time I'd exercise was to get up and use the toilet. I had no idea I'd pass out and need to be hospitalized after running such a short distance".

Dr. Sceppa said his research does not apply to women and he will need another $12 million for a separate study.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Exercise

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