Bush OK's Trickle Down Aid to Katrina Victims
In an attempt to insure that every victim of hurricane Katrina receives at least $1.00 President Bush has persuaded Congress to expedite 250 Billion of aid. The aid will be delivered in the form of cash grants to the top 1% wage earners in the count...
Read full storyPat Robertson Endorses The Beelzebub For President
Faux News, just reported that Pat Robertson has just endorses Beelzebub to be the next President of the United States. Mr Robertson said, "After long prayer with God, he advised me that this was his choice also. I asked the Almighty how I should...
Read full storyOil Hits $1,000 A Barrel. Bush Blamed.
The price of oil hit $1,000 a barrel today for the first time in history, causing every nation's economy to stop dead in it's tracks as all the money in the world was suddenly sucked up by Saudi Arabia and other middle eastern oil producers.
Read full storyNew Fifth Planet Could Support Breastfeeding
Astrologers have found a new planet 4 TRILLION light years away from Earth called MILTON, and it theoretically could support breastfeeding. If the new planet has smooth milky surfaces and teat-shaped rocks, then it would be the perfect environment fo...
Read full storyNelson Mandela's charity 'took Bandar's arms money'
Johannesburg, South Africa - (Absolute Mess): A Nelson Mandela kids' charity received hundreds of thousands of pounds from a corrupt arms deal slush fund run by ex-Saudi amabssador to the USA Prince Bandar.
Read full storyYippee! UK Interest Rates 5.75%, £ = $2.10, Gold Oz: $850, Crude @ $98... Bush Administration Teetering On Verge of Coup d'Etat
Off the Wall Street, NYC - (Global Meltdown Mess): A Senate lynch mob will remove the Bush Administration in a matter of days "just as the price of crude hits $125 a barrel."...
Read full storyGeorge Bush launches final, bold new plan to secure his legacy.
AP- 11/7/2007 - The White House - US President George W. Bush stated this morning in a staged press conference that the final policy goal of his Presidency will be to try to figure out how to distance himself from the remaining 34% of Americans who a...
Read full storyDennis Kucinich Nearly Impeaches Self
WASHINGTON (CNN) - Rep. Dennis Kucinich was thwarted today in his attempt to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. This turned out to be a fortunate result for Kucinich since, due to a typographical error, he nearly impeached himself.
Read full storyUSA Gives up on Missile Defense Shield
WASHINGTON DC - After a long showdown of words that almost got USA and Russia into a second cold war, Condoleezza Rice on behalf of President George Bush formerly announced that the USA government has given up on the Missile defense shield they had i...
Read full storyUS economy going down the pan because of Bush $3+trillion Iraq bender
Off-the Wall St, NYC - (Meltdown Mess): Senior financial analysts have said today that the US banking crisis is way worse that anybody has admitted and that it's Bush's fault for bingeing out on a futile $3trillion war against former client d...
Read full storyBush, Sarkozy Meeting Causes Zionists to Laugh Their Asses Off
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - As Washington rolled out the red carpet for French President Nicolas Sarkozy, Zionists everywhere laughed their asses off at the meeting of their two puppets Bush and Sarko.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton Responsible For Writers Strike
The Writers Guild of America (WGA) made it official Monday and started picketing the studios across the US. Many people have been misled as to the reason the writers have gone on strike, a raise from 4 cents to 8 cents per DVD, sharing of Internet pr...
Read full storyUniversity of North Dakota Changes Team Name
The University of North Dakota, in an effort to appease the NCAA, has changed the name of it's teams from "The Fighting Sioux" to "The Violent Italian Mafioso."...
Read full storyAntarctic Scientists Make Startling Discovery
Scientists from The University of Central Australia at Oodnadatta have discovered what they claim is "the marsupial missing link" under 2 kilometres of ice in Antarctica.
Read full storySarkozy commissions "Statue of Posers" for President Bush
French Prime Minister, Nicolas Sarkozy, or"Sarko l'Americain" as he is affectionately known by compatriots announced today that he would commission a new statue for President Bush, "The Statue of Posers."...
Read full storyNHS Outcry As Woman Giving Birth Is Forced To Terminate Mobile Phone Call
Nursing staff at a leading London maternity hospital have been criticised for refusing to allow a young woman in the throes of giving birth, to continue a mobile phone call. The woman, Shaz Shizzle, 16, was asked to terminate the call, thought to...
Read full storyRice Visits Middle East, Peace Quickly Established
JERUSALEM - U.S. Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice is being hailed by Israeli and Palestinian leaders as an international hero after securing peace between the two countries.
Read full storySarkozy Visits US, 'Freedom Fries' To Be Temporarily Renamed
WASHINGTON, DC - French President Nicolas Sarkozy has touched down on U.S. soil, as he seeks to strengthen ties between the U.S. and France.
Read full storyDumbeldore, Tinky Winky and Sponge Bob Square Pants caught in local Deli making a "Hot" Hoagie; First Casualties of the WGA Strike?
Fairfax District, California - Perhaps an act of rebellion of having been outed by his author, J.K. Rowling, Dumbeldore was arrested along with other famously outed gay children's characters Tinky Winky and Sponge Bob Square Pants for breaking an...
Read full storyMexico set to create first "Border-Crossing School"
In a surprising announcement Saturday in the local gathering tent, Jose Consuella of Monterey, Mexico announced his intention to start up Mexico's first border crossing school.
Read full storyBritish Proclaim United States a Terrorist Organization. Give Washington Stern Warning about Possible Sanctions!
London - Today the rejuvenated Tory Party, lead by retired former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher have announced a two front attack. One will be to reclaim all former British Colonies and the other will be to overthrow the current British Parliament...
Read full storyDennis Kucinich 'Political Eye Candy'
WASHINGTON BM - Dennis Kucinich, Democrat Candidate for President and United States Congressman, in a press conference last week, revealed the role his striking good looks would play in the '08 campaign.
Read full storyRandy Couture, Dana White to Hold Hourly Press Conferences for Rest of Life
LAS VEGAS, NV -- UFC President Dana White plans to hold a press conference every hour for the rest of his life, he said earlier today, while UFC heavyweight champion Randy Couture has agreed to do the same.
Read full storyComet Holmes Brightens to Negative 28 - Brighter than Sun
Detroit, Michigan (IP) - Comet Holmes has suddenly brightened to negative 28 magnitude which is brighter than the sun.
Read full storyFailure vs Success
I was thinking about the difference between failure and success as I did my paper route this morning. Oh, how I fear success! That seductress who comes to me, only to bray to the world just how ugly I am. Creepy with hypnotic eyes, out only for my already withered soul. Withered from trying to capture the thing that frightens me most. But I want it. The satisfaction of work well done and the money...
Read full storyExo-Planet 55 Cancri New Planet Discovered Recently
Pasadena, California (IP) - Astronomers at the Jet Propulsion Lab (JPL) in Pasadena have announced the discovery of a new planet orbiting the star 55 Cancri in the constellation Cancer.
Read full storyWriter's Strike is Boon to Mexican Scabs
Entertainment writers who struck Hollywood on Monday, now have another foe besides the producers and extreme poverty to contend with.
Read full storyIreland predictably lowers drinking age to 4
DUBLIN, Ireland - In a very unsuprising move today, the Republic of Ireland passed a law that lowered the legal drinking age in the country from ten to four years old. Approximately 0.0003 percent of the population was stunned at the announcement mad...
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