WASHINGTON (CNN) - Rep. Dennis Kucinich was thwarted today in his attempt to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. This turned out to be a fortunate result for Kucinich since, due to a typographical error, he nearly impeached himself.
Republican Congressman Ron Paul stated "if the members of Congress were capable of reading we'd have noticed the typo and voted to impeach that whiny little hobbit. Of course, if we could read we wouldn't be involved in Iraq now either".
Embarrassed and humiliated by this failure Kucinich was immediately given a wedgie by DNC Chairman Howard Dean. This prompted Kucinich to announce his departure from the Democratic Party and join his newly formed Elf Party.
Kucinich will continue his quest for the White House as the Presidential nominee of the Elf Party. Part of the new Elf Party platform is his pledge to "…lower all seating in public restaurants so my feet can touch the ground while I eat and not cut off my circulation so my legs go to sleep and I fall over when I try to stand up like Ted Kennedy after a nine martini lunch".