AP- 11/7/2007 - The White House - US President George W. Bush stated this morning in a staged press conference that the final policy goal of his Presidency will be to try to figure out how to distance himself from the remaining 34% of Americans who approve of his Presidency.
"This will be my greatest challenge" said Bush responding to White House employees questions about exactly how the goal will be accomplished. "After numerous scandals, amnesty for illegal immigrants, two unpopular open-ended wars, deflation of the currency, job loss overseas, record debt, the home mortgage crisis, and growing trade deficits, alienating those hanging on to supporting me is going to be extremely difficult."
When pressed further, Bush went on to explain that his first goal will be to start "acting more like congress" because somehow their approval is lower then his own. "I think that my distinguished colleagues in congress from both parties have done an outstanding job at promising new hope and then proving to be completely irresponsive to the will of the American people. This is something I am going to emulate. I am going to propose a bold new set of initiatives that would, if passed, fix all the domestic and international trouble that the previous seven years have caused, then when these policies pass through the congress, I will promptly veto them. This new hope, followed immediately by rejection is bound to turn away some of my dwindling support."
"I have also proposed that no one in the administration will use the words 'terrorist', 'terror', 'Islamo-facism' or any other such terminiology. This will allow some of the fear to dissipate, and therefore shrink my ratings even further. If none of this works, I will just publicly endorse Hillary Clinton, because despite the rhetoric, her policies and Machiavellian real-politik vision of the future of American Government most clearly resembles my own."
Dick Cheney was not at the press conference because he has been hard at work losing those who approve of him since he was elected in 2000. In seven years, he has actually been able to drop around 20% from his approval ratings since taking office. This is a paltry sum compared to the 50+% that Bush has lost since his highest ratings following the Sept 11th terrorist attacks.