Alan Jackson "I'll be a good president"
Nashville,TN - (Rooters) In a shocking announcement country music superstar Alan Jackson has announced that he will be running for president of the United States in 2008.
Read full storyGeorge Bush Pardons Lindsay Lohan
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Today, President George W. Bush presided over Lindsay Lohan's trial and gave her a full pardon, but left the fine intact. Although the President of the United States doesn't usually preside over courtroom...
Read full storyA DoD day in the life
While driving way too f*in' fast From right there came a sudden flash...
Read full storyChris Neetl interviews Harold Justilax MP
The News Information Investigative Plus Interview...
Read full storyTHINGS - Top Ten For August
1.Terry's Chocolate Nappies: A combination of the two ranges.
Read full storyLarry King Interviews Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears
Larry King had his hands full, but he seemed to relish the opportunity to engage with three famous, but troubled starlets.
Read full storyWelsh rugby club issued with inflatable sheep
Llandudno, Wales - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Llandudno Rugby Club was issued with inflatable sheep today and ordered to use them instead of children as jockeys in an annual donkey derby.
Read full storyFlood Studies Confirm Mathematical Truth
A study of the recent devastating UK floods has confirmed a startling mathematical law which was until recently thought to be pure speculation.
Read full storySenator Vitter: My Ohio chicken suit fears
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Outed DC serial brothel client Senator David Vitter (Rep. New Orleans) has said he fears today's ruling by a Painesville, Ohio judge could have serious implications for himself and the other 14,999 clients on Washingto...
Read full storySloshed in space
Cape Canaveral, Florida - (Ass Mess): NASA is to bring in the space equivalent of DUI laws after becoming the laughing stock of the international space program with its astronauts admitting to flying under the influence.
Read full storyPrimates Upset Humans Won Space Race
SAN DIEGO, CA (AP Newsliar) -- Gorillas and chimpanzees broke a decades long silence today to voice their chagrin at having lost the space race to humans.
Read full storyMexican company wins outsourcing subcontract for Orange County Court over others in India or China; US citizens outraged
Orange County, California - Local talk radio spin-doctors managed to take a break from insulting their listeners and fan the historical flames of racial, religious, nationalistic, and now economic, tension growing between Mexico and the United State...
Read full storyU.S. Open to Change to Grass Andy Roddick Furious! Roger Federer Ecstatic!
Today U.S. Open Officials at Flushing Meadows announced that this year the U.S. Open Tennis Championships will revert to traditional grass. Standing amid piles of concrete and asphalt Andy Roddick came to protest in person, but was too late.
Read full storyHank Aaron Comes Out of Retirement to Stay Ahead of Barry Bonds
Famed slugger Hank Aaron rejoined the Milwaukee Brewers this week in an attempt to keep his record for career home runs in the major leagues. Aaron retired in 1976 with 755 homers under his belt. This year Barry Bonds has been closing in on Aaron, hi...
Read full storyEx-French PM charged in shit smearing campaign
PARIS - Judges filed preliminary charges Friday against former Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin for his suspected role in smearing shit on Nicolas Sarkozy before he became France's president, an attorney said.
Read full storySatan Fires Publicist
(Hell) - In a surprise move, Satan, aka the devil, Beezlebub, the Prince of Darkness, today fired his long time publicist, the Vatican.
Read full storyIt's Not 'All Good', Reveals Expert
A leading expert in complicated things about the world and its doings has revealed today that people who insist 'It's all good' are in fact some way from the truth.
Read full storyFat commuters banned from underground
In a radical move, London Underground have announced they will ban chubby commuters from boarding their trains.
Read full storyForecast bleak as Lord Levy plans lavish wedding bash for son
Totteridge, North London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The marquees have gone up in the garden, the fairy lights fitted and the swimming pool refreshed with gallons of Chanel No 5 at Totteridge's famous 'Villa Shambolero' home of Lord Levy whe...
Read full story"Blair, you t**t!" outburst confirms Brown's break with past
TONY Blair may be about to encounter one of the most troubled political scenes in the world as Quartet peace envoy to the Middle East, but he's none too welcome back in Downing Street if reports from the start of the Brown years are to be believed.
Read full storyHellfire Club fury as King George race downgraded to cubic zirconia sponsorship
Ascot - (Ass Mess): This Saturday's King George VI & Queen Elizabeth Diamond Stakes has suffered a seismic blow after sponsors De Beers Diamonds pulled out, citing the dreary tackiness of being associated with the Hellfire Club's stand-in pup...
Read full storyShapeshifting Ron Paul supporter spams online rally
ICUP - It has long been known that Ron Paul, doomed Republican presidential wannabe, has employed a single lone basement-dweller to promote his campaign online by "spamming" just about every online poll as well as many Web 2.1.4 (beta) site...
Read full storyKerry Packer's high-class brothel hookers named
Melbourne, Australia - (Ass Mess): A new biography about the late Australian media mogul Kerry Packer says he made his fortune from pimping and promoted some of his top gals to worldwide stardom.
Read full storyScientists to Drain Atlantic Ocean
Jacksonville, FL (IP) - U.S. scientists have begun a project that will drain the entire Atlantic ocean in order to find a suspected leak. This has resulted in civil unrest on the expanding shoreline. Ocean side residents have been picking up fish f...
Read full storyRoyal visit to flooding victims: Bob the builder "unhappy"
Prince Charles and Princess Anne are visiting flood-hit Gloucestershire later to offer their support to victims.
Read full storyBBC flood report contained footage from "Evan Almighty"
In another embarrassing turn of events, BBC bosses admitted that their news reports about the recent floods in the west of England contained footage from Hollywood blockbuster "Evan Almighty", which is about an "end of...
Read full storyReceding flood waters in Gloucester reveal 1,000 asylum seekers
As the waters from last week's floods recede, local people are making unusual discoveries, such as cars. Unemployed Simon Cam of Gloucester told us "God be praised, I found my brand new Mercedes SLK under the water. Because...
Read full storyTop Legal Firm announced as major 2012 Sponsor!
The British Olympics Committee have announced another major sponsor for the London 2012 Olympics.
Read full storyDanica Patrick TV Show Planned: Women Drivers
Race car driver Danica Patrick will host a new reality show on Time Warner's CW Network for the fall 2007 season. The Danica Patrick TV show will tentatively be called "Women Drivers." Female contestants will compete to...
Read full storyCairo toe "not what it seems"
An artificial big toe found on the foot of an ancient Egyptian mummy could be the world's earliest functional prosthetic body part, UK experts believe. A Manchester University team hope to prove that the leather and wood "Cairo toe" not...
Read full storyRarleigh Choppers Sponsor 2008 Tour De France
Smart and fast moving Marketing executives have saved the Tour De Fraance from total and complete disaster by announcing they are to sponsor next years Tour.
Read full storyGuy at Gym Insists on Watching 'Tyra Banks Show'
ORLANDO, Fla. (Heewack News Network) -- A routine workout for two guys at a hotel fitness center was ruined when a third guy refused to change the lone TV set to "SportsCenter," insisting that they leave on "The Tyra Banks Show."
Read full storyOxford, Cambridge and Collins at war over definition of Politics
The academic world is holding its breath as the three largest publishers argue over the definition of politics and allegations of industrial espionage.
Read full storyFacebook Addict Now 'Friends' With Entire Population of World
Internet chatrooms were today 'abuzz' with the news that Simon Willis (26) from Winchester, Hants has now made friends with the whole world via social networking site Facebook.
Read full storyStudy shows Tony Blair allergy 'in the mind'
Many think Tony Blair makes them ill, but proximity to Tony Blair is not responsible for the symptoms of ill health some blame him for, a major UK study says.
Read full storyThe Sun & BBC to go to court over future copyright
News Intermedia Unlimited and the BBC are to meet in the High Court to ask the Law Lords to rule over the issue of future copyright.
Read full storyManchester United Players Attacked By Chinese Chelsea Fans
Manchester United players taking part in a training session during their pre-season tour of the Far East, were the victims of, what has been described by manager Sir Alice Ferguson as, an attack by...
Read full storyTheSpoof.com writer says pay "adequate"
A writer for TheSpoof.com has denounced other writers who are moaning about the fees paid for their work. The writer, ranger121, with a 1.85 a day average, says that the others "Should be grateful for anything at all."...
Read full storyShambo Accepted His Fate 'With Dignity', Says Hindu Leader
Shambo, the 'sacred' Welsh Hindu bullock, has finally been taken away for execution after police were drafted in to battle it out with his followers who were trying to prevent the slaughter.
Read full storyOne joint and you're a psycho - MPs in denial
A survey is published today that tells us that the risk of developing mental health problems is increased by 40% after just one smoke of cannabis.
Read full storyPresident and Mrs. Sarkozy refuse to discuss terms of 'Indecent Proposal' made with Libyan Leader
PARIS (Loo Monde) - Nicolas and Cécilia Sarkozy remain tight-lipped about the terms of an agreement with Libyan Colonel Muammar Gaddafi that led to the release of six Bulgarian medical personnel from Libya's death row earlier this week.
Read full storyBritish man tries to escape global warming by swiming at North Pole; treated for heat exhaustion
London, England - Not attempting, to embark on a grandiose adventure to the North Pole as the Robert E. Peary American expedition back in 1909, but rather attain the self-satisfaction of achieving a personal best. So, Lewis Gordon Pugh, 37, decided t...
Read full storyNASA Issuing Flasks and Bongs To Astronauts
Houston, Texas (IP) - NASA has issued flasks and bongs to all of its astronauts complete with NASA logos on the side of each. Also available are adult diapers with the NASA logo. Another item they are making available are NASA rolling papers with t...
Read full storyHale-Bopp Comet Cult Returns to Earth
Cape Canaveral, Florida (IP) - The cult that left Earth and joined the comet Hale-Bopp in its journey trough the solar system has returned to a position near the Earth. The comet has been placed into a neutral zone in cislunar orbit.
Read full storyPurpose of Spiral Galaxies Discovered
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Scientist at this astronomical campus have discovered that the giant galaxies that populate the universe have a singular purpose. The galaxies are actually a giant drainage system where matter and energy flows "...
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