Scientists to Drain Atlantic Ocean

Funny story written by drugtestallpoliticians

Friday, 27 July 2007

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Jacksonville, FL (IP) - U.S. scientists have begun a project that will drain the entire Atlantic ocean in order to find a suspected leak. This has resulted in civil unrest on the expanding shoreline. Ocean side residents have been picking up fish flopping on the dry ocean floor and marine patrol agents have been writing citations for fishing without a license and taking certain fish out of season.

The residents are extremely upset and try to argue that the fish are going to die anyway but the marine patrol insists that the law is the law and must be enforced.

Foreign commercial fisherman are allowed to keep the fish because they have a powerful lobby that has looked after their interests.

Another problem is the gold and other treasure from the 1715 Spanish fleet sitting near the shoreline with ships scattered from Stuart, Florida northward to Sebastian Beach. The ship's rock ballast piles were visible from the beach even before the draining began and now the treasure lies fully exposed. Treasure recovery crews had permits giving them sole rights to salvage the treasure while it was under water but now anyone can walk right up to the piles of gold coins and gold bars and emeralds and walk away with whatever they can carry. As a result of this there have been gun fights and stabbings.

Wealthy beachside residents are putting up no trespassing signs so they will be the only ones to have access to the golden booty. They even plan to have their local governments open the draw bridges across the intercoastal waterway and keep them in the up position to keep out the treasure hunters. The wealthy residents claim that the poor working class folks will merely squander their new found wealth and that only the wealthy really know what to do with all the glittering gold.

A representative for the working class people has warned the wealthy folks not to leave the island and try to take refuge on the mainland in the event of a hurricane and also not to cross over and drive through working class neighborhoods in order to attend theaters, concerts, and other social events. They also will not be allowed to have access to hospitals, grocery stores, airports, and other facilities that have been conveniently placed out of sight of the wealthy neighborhoods because of their insistence on enforcing a NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) attitude and way of life.

Some social scientists are studying the situation and have theorized that the same thing could happen to the United States who has outsourced all of the means of production of food as well as all manufactured goods. China and all of the other countries that the US now depends on for everything could hold all of the essential items and services hostage in the event of a major disagreement.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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