Wrongway Beckham's kick panties and bounce boobs
LOS ANGELES (Calf.) -- The screaming began when Victoria Beckham, in a tight pink dress and matching handbag, tottered on to the pitch in Carson, California, for a good five minutes of trying to get a kick. "Pass it 'ere," she shouted...
Read full storySoccer's Royal Family Beckhams a Big Deal in US
Ever since David and Victoria Beckham landed stateside in the USA, the country's citizens have been going wacko for the hot couple.
Read full storyHellfire Club's St Swithun's Day Fears
London - (Ass Mess): UK Hellfire Club members are fleeing the capital in droves this weekend amid persistent reports that anti-terror cops are poised to finally round them up along with their Russian spook masters on St Swithun's Day.
Read full storyHome Secretary acts on Chapati Flour Danger
Following upon the use of Chapati Flour in an attempted suicide bombings, the Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has reconsidered the status of Chapati Flour.
Read full storyWomen go Mad in Leeds.
A large queue of over a thousand women are lining up outside a factory in Leeds. Why you may ask. Well they are taking it in turns to sit on the top of the chimney.
Read full storyRon Paul Dead?
WASHINGTON (Lincoln Memorial) -- Reports filtered thought today that Ron Paul had died at Green's bakehouse on Blueberry after being written about too much.
Read full storyPosh Spice Caught Eating
A passer by, caught Victoria Beckham, picking off a leaf from some unsuspecting tree then gobbling it up.
Read full storyArse-Faced People Getting "Bum Deal"
A survey conducted recently revealed that people who have arses for faces are "up to twice as likely to be called 'Bum-face' than other people"...
Read full storyBird Flu Gone the way of the Dodo
Atlanta, GA (IP) - Spoof sources at the Center for Disease Control indicate that the CDC is throwing a big party this week. It is a goodbye party for our old friend the bird flu...
Read full storyBeloved Fruits "Inherently Sinister" Claims Boffin
Tefal-cranium genius, Professor Lepping Greave, famous for his invention of Instant Water (just add water!) and the Dobbling Two-Step Trombone engine has reached a new, and some would say disturbing perspective on the nations favourite fruits!...
Read full storyAttendance pays as Benjonson pupils rewarded with a day at the seaside
"School is cool," was the message when school children from East London based Benjonson School recently took part in a day trip to the seaside.
Read full storyToday the Bluebird of Happiness Flew Up it's own Butt
PAPUA NEW GUINEA (Umbodungo) -- In what must only be described as excessive exhilaration, today a Bluebird of Happiness (BBOH) disappeared up it's own butt. In fact, Bluebirds of Happiness everywhere are being reported as flying up their own but...
Read full storyPhil Spector's Hair Scared of Guilty Verdict
DISTRICT COURT (L.A.) -- Legendary music producer (Wall of Sound) Phil Spector's hair is looking more and more frightened as his murder trial proceeds.
Read full storyIraq War Prospects Fade - Russia is Next
Washingdung (IP) - Russia has become the Bush administration's next prospect for war and profits as the hope for an extended period of war in Iraq begins to fade. The insatiable appetite that the military industrial complex has for war has to be...
Read full storyPaul McCartney to be Beat Bobby in N. Ireland
LONDON (Outside the Windmill) -- Sir Paul McCartney today told a mass media scrum that he had thrown all his bass guitars in the Thames. "Except one 12-string," Sir Paul said, "that I'm keeping to play Irish lullaby's in Belfas...
Read full storyHarry Potter Ending Revealed By Hackers
Hackers who broke into J.K. Rowling's laptop posted copies of the final pages of Rowling's new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book. In the book's ending a prominent character is killed, namely ... oh, wait ... if I tell you...
Read full storyQueen 'on the verge of a coronary' over BBC fiasco
Buckingham Palace - (Ass Mess): Queen Elizabeth's health has gone into a steep decline since the BBC documentary fiasco this week where an Eastenders-type plotline was inserted by the Corporation's controller of programmes 'as a bit of a...
Read full storyPete Doherty's bank cancelled his credit says Mom
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Pete Doherty's mother Jacqueline Doherty has told reporters that ever since her son split with girlfriend Kate Moss his financial troubles have piled up as his bank cancelled his overdraft and withdrew all his cred...
Read full storyBush is Hitler grandson say Minnesota Dem Keith Ellison
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): How the fur is begining to fly in DC this weekend! The US's first Mulim congressman, Minnesota Democrat Keith Ellison told a gathering of Atheists for Human Rights in his home state that the Pentagon has hidden George...
Read full storyMarriage #1 Cause of Divorce
Andrew* fidgets with his coffee cup. "I never thought it would happen to me," he says and rubs his face. "I was going to stay married forever."...
Read full storyLiverpool Plan To Groundshare With Everton
Liverpool Football Club have hit a snag with their ambitions to build a new £280million stadium on Stanley Park in the city, and have come up with a new plan that is bound to anger their fans.
Read full storyQueen Severs All Links With BBC
Her Majesty the Queen has officially severed all links with the BBC over the fake footage scandal, Palace sources have said.
Read full storyLong-jumper Attacked By Javelin-thrower At Athletics Meeting
Police were called to an incident which left thousands of spectators shocked at the IAAF Golden League Meeting in Rome last night.
Read full storyGhana Drugs Girls Don't Know Nuffink
The two 16-year-old British girls accused of trying to smuggle £300,000 worth of cocaine out of Ghana said last night that they had been the victims of a set-up.
Read full storyU2 to Split over 'Soup Differences'
Yesterday was a bad day for fans of the histrionic rock group, U2, with the news that they have split, like the proverbial atom, banana or pea.
Read full storyBBC apologises to Queen for "Vampire" film slur
Fat cat bosses at the BBC interrupted a lunch of caviar and champagne at the Ritz to make a mealy-mouthed apology to Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth for a new documentary due to be show on the BBC, which shows Her Majesty to be a 17th Century vampi...
Read full storyJenna Jameson Runs Marathon
Jenna Jameson will run a marathon in Mississauga Ontario tomorrow. The former porn star says she is training so that she can try out for the US Olympic team for 2008.
Read full storyBritney Spears Disses Pink
Britney Spears finally swung back at singer Pink yesterday, calling her "a whiny biatch." Pink has taken some shots at Britney over the...
Read full storyRon Paul Strikes Out Side
Ron Paul had an outstanding performance tonight in his first stint pitching for the Iowa Cubs. Paul appeared in the bottom of the ninth inning as the Cubs were protecting a 5-3 lead over the Omaha Royals.
Read full storyAnn Coulter Happy with Makeover
Rabid ultra right wing polemicist Ann Coulter says that she is happy with her new makeover.
Read full storyHawking Attributes Global Warming to the Media
In a statement today, renowned physicist Stephen Hawking has attributed the trend of global warming to news stories on ugly dog competitions.
Read full storyGlobal Warming Blamed on Hot Women
A new study has shown that the ozone layer isn't to blame for global warming trends, and scientists are looking in a new direction - at hot women.
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