Global Warming Blamed on Hot Women

Funny story written by BerlyGirl

Saturday, 14 July 2007


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A new study has shown that the ozone layer isn't to blame for global warming trends, and scientists are looking in a new direction - at hot women.

"The human race as a whole is a lot more attractive than it used to be," states Dr. Kelvin Archburr, a climatologist at the Hollywood Center for Weather Patterns. "With new advances in technology, women especially are able to use clothing, makeup, and surgical techniques to change their appearance and become more visually pleasing. This causes a physiological reaction in men that raises their temperature, and more of that heat is radiated into the air, thus raising the ambient temperature."

Historical data shows that average global temperatures remained stable until the 1960s. During every decade since then, average highs have risen several degrees. Women's studies show that it was around that time that women became more liberated in their grooming habits due to sociological struggles and the availability of synthetic materials. Women who were previously thought of as homely gained the ability to dramatically change their appearance and transform themselves into irresistible sex symbols. As men experienced their own sort of sexual revolution and it became more acceptable to openly view women as sex symbols, a noticeable shift in weather patterns started to take place.

In already warm parts of the US, the rise in day-time temperature means more outdoor activities in the sun for young women. As the summers have gotten warmer, shorts have gotten shorter and bikini's have become smaller. This translates into more time in the sun tanning, playing beach volleyball, and skinny dipping, which in turn has led to further gawking and further warming. "It's a vicious cycle," says Dr. Archburr. "It also explains why cities such as Miami, San Diego, and Paris, which have high populations of attractive women, are experiencing a faster rate of warming, and areas such as northern Minnesota are still cold as hell."

Originally thought to be caused by a breakdown in the ozone layer, global warming is responsible for world-wide climate changes that affect weather patterns, animal habitats, and polar melting. Dr. Archburr is confident that this exciting new discovery will give the science of climatology, and good-looking women, a boost in popularity, and that in the future they will see more college students interested in this field. Says Dr. Archburr, "It's a hot topic."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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