Yesterday was a bad day for fans of the histrionic rock group, U2, with the news that they have split, like the proverbial atom, banana or pea.
The time-old tradition of a break over musical differences isn't true in this case, with the split blamed on bitter arguments over 'which flavour of soup to have while touring'
Tour manager, Rasputin McFuzz spilled the beans on the story that's shocked the world of pompous, overblown music.
"They originally formed due to a shared love of soup and it was this love that kept them together even as their success grew and grew.
"But recently Bono has fallen in with a sophisticated crowd who laugh at his outdated tastes and are trying to turn him onto harder, more daring soups.
"Things had been tense while they were recording their new album, 'Bombast the Bass'. Bono had been off his head on Mulligatawny the whole time, while the others were heavily involved in the whole 'Scotch Broth' scene.
"They'd agreed that they'd do the next tour with oxtail, but on the day rehearsals began, Bono came in demanding they switch to bouillabaisse. The Edge wasn't happy and Larry and the bassist completely went off their heads about it.
"You can't get a groove going with fish soup, hot meaty stuff is the way to go but Bono was adamant. Rehearsals continued, but you could have cut the atmosphere with a custard spoon"
As the tour went on things started to break down. A compromise deal which would have seen them alternate flavours or even have two different soup canteens was rejected.
"It's all-or-nothing!" screamed Bono, as we kicked down the door of his luxury toilet.
The other U2 members told their side of the tale. The Edge chose to make a statement in the form of an overly long guitar solo, while the drummer, Larry Mullen snr merely hit things with a child-like grin on his face.
Last night the bassist told us "Stop calling me 'the bassist'! Can't you remember my name you set of idiots! It's Ad...", at which point we slammed the window down on his fingers.
