Britney Spears To Record Duet With Idol's Sanjaya Malakar
Pop tart Britney Spears has invited American Idol castoff Sanjaya Malakar to her Hollywood recording studio to record an album. Sanjaya, most famous for his wierd hair styles, and Spears, most recently famous for her lack of hair, both have question...
Read full storyEgg in benefit fraud scandal
Representatives of the King's horses & his men today confirmed that an egg that they had reassembled in a pioneering piece of medical history, has been claiming incapacity benefits, despite being able bodied.
Read full storyNigga Gots a Clue
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - Today, Russell Simmons, prominent hip-hop music executive, showed he has a clue today when he urged that the industry eliminate the words "bitch," "ho" and "nigger" from use by the recor...
Read full storyBollywood star Shilpa Shetty's parents 'awaiting trial in Mumbai for extortion'
Mumbai - (Rioters): Just last month on Commonwealth Day Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty was the toast of London, lecturing the Queen and invited guests at a Westmnsiter Abbey service on the theme of tolerance before being feted by Members of Parliame...
Read full storyYeltsin Alcohol Poisoning Mystery
In a surprising statement today Russian news agency TASS claimed that former Soviet President Boris Yeltsin died from alcohol poisoning. They are investigating a top pathologists claims that the alcohol may have been administered over several years i...
Read full storyIntroduction of new writer, Doug Burrell
Here now, is my autobiography, as told by me, to me.
Read full storySt George's Day Wiccan victory over war graves pentacle ban
Madison, Wisconsin - (Rioters): The Pentagon's dragon of ignorance and bigotry was finally slain on St George's Day as the US Department of Veteran Affairs caved in on a headstones pentacle ban that had outlawed the ancient Wiccan symbol fro...
Read full storyKim Basinger Protests Alec Baldwin's Imus-Like Remarks to Daughter
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Hollywood - Kim Basinger has died her hair red in protest of ex-husband Alec Baldwin's remarks to their daughter Ireland. "I can't believe he called her a nappy headed ho," exclaimed Basinger.
Read full storyVirgie Arthur planning invasion of the body snatchers if denied official visitation rights
Nassau, Bahamas - (Ass Mess): Anna Nicole Smith's mother is secretly planning to exhume and take home to Texas her dead daughter and grandson Daniel's remains from Nassau if she doesn't get her way in the courts with full custody of baby...
Read full storyBuzz Lightyear: Found Dead In Minnesota Motel Room
The entire Disney community, as well as 5-11 year-olds everywhere, were saddened to learn of the passing of Buzz Lightyear, loveable character of the movie Toy Story, on Sunday afternoon. He was 46.
Read full storyCBS Radio/MCNBC admit being duped by Political Action Group in Imus firing
NEW YORK - It was just confirmed that the PAC group, Media Matters, had in fact orchestrated the firing of Don Imus from CBS Radio & MSNBC. Media Matters is a 501(c) political action group, the same kind of group that went after John Kerry with thei...
Read full storyThree Satirists Declare Jihad Against Christian Spoofers
A new Holy War has been declared against Spoof writers with Christian beliefs. In a bold move, three leading Spoofers declared a Holy War against CalJennings. Another Christian satirist and fellow ex-patriot Texas, Jalapenoman, quickly jumped to hi...
Read full storyDeath of Boris Yeltsin Triggers Russian Economic Collapse
The Russian Federation is in turmoil today after it was announced from the Kremlin that former president Boris Yeltsin has died at the age of 76.
Read full storyExpose: Congressional Sweat Shop
Here in the nation's capital, brightly lit rooms are hiding a dark secret. Hundreds of men and women are churning out thousands of bills, and hardly gaining any respect.
Read full storyShilpa vs Big Brothers - Round 3
Truckers' Stop, Ludhiana-Mumbai Highway, Apr 23 - When she was literally swept off her feet by the ever-graying Richard Gere at a rally against AIDS, 'Big Brother' show winner and semi-successful Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty today retu...
Read full storyBush leads tributes pouring in for Yeltsin
Moscow - (Rioters): Tributes have began pouring in for former Russian President Boris Yeltsin who died earlier this morning after a lengthy career drinking for his country.
Read full storyBoris Yeltsin dies of alcohol deprivation
Moscow - (Ass Messki): In a stunning St George's Day development the Kremlin has announced that former Russian President Boris and Olympic-standard vodka drinker Boris Yeltsin has died.
Read full storyDon Imus Gives Me Guilt About Paula Zahn.
(New York--NY) In the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shootings, the senseless loss of young lives cut tragically which may have been prevented if those leading lead better (Sounds a lot like Iraq.), Don Imus seems like a gnat. Not that what he said was inconsequential, but why is it so often it takes a large human crisis to make you reflect? Oddly enough, it was seeing Paula Zahn cover the Virgini...
Read full storyMcMahon To Run For President
Vince McMahon, chairman of World Wrestling Entertainment, today confirmed that he as entered the running to become the new president of the united states.
Read full storyGeneral Jomo Gbomo Heads Interim Government in Nigeria.
ABUJA, Nigeria. (23-April-2007): A day of surprises and high drama in Abuja has seen the Nigerian naira reach its highest value against the US dollar, the UK pound Stirling, the Euro,...
Read full storyCamilla Pose Raises Eyebrows In Weird New Royal Family Portrait
The wife of Prince Charles, Camilla Barker-Powles, appears semi-naked in the new Royal Family photograph by Sergei Pavlenko, which can be seen at the Royal Society of Portrait Painters exhibition from today.
Read full storyGMTV systematically defrauded viewers
London - (Ass Mess): GMTV, the genetically-modified London broadcaster, has been accused of systematically ripping off viewers with a daily diatribe of relentless pap masquarading as bona fide news items.
Read full storySchools blame wi-fi technology for teenage knifings pandemic
London - (Ass Mess): Compensation payments totalling literally billions of £££ could be payable if teachers are proved right that wireless technology emissions are cooking pupils' brains and turning them into violent knife-mad killers.
Read full storySheryl Crowe: Ken Livingstone's ultimate soul mate?
London - (Ass Mess): London Mayor Ken Livingstone may have found his karmic twin at last amid reports that popular singer Sheryl Crowe has advised environmentalists that using one square of loo paper is sufficient for most people's hygiene needs.
Read full storyS.P.E.C.T.R.E. Says Gonzales Bad for Business
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Undisclosed Location - Ernst Stavro Blofeld remarked today that Alberto Gonzales was bad for S.P.E.C.T.R.E.'s business. The problem seems to lie with all the illegal aliens that Gonzales helped cross the border.
Read full storyBush Spies on "The Spoof" Writers
CCN (Crazy Cal News), U.K. and U.S. - President George W. Bush came snooping around The Spoof after having the CIA locate all of The Spoof writers with their spy satellites. After hearing reports of the writers doing articles on him and his...
Read full storyImus hires Garbage
Manhattan - (Ass Mess): Embattled former radio talk-show host Don Imus is fighting back over his recent CBS sacking by hiring high-powered Manhattan lawyer Martin Garbage.
Read full storyMan dressed as Priest hits woman after accusing her she is the Devil at replacement bus stop.
Yesterday passers by found a woman lying on the ground with what they thought was blood.
Read full storyBush Pays Eliot Spitzer to Introduce Gay Marraige Bill
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - Gov. Eliot Spitzer will introduce a bill in the coming weeks to legalize same-sex marriage in New York. Having been paid by President George W. Bush so that he and gay lover Prime Minister Tony Blair could have a pl...
Read full storyFife Sends Dirty Protest to Edinburgh
The ancient Kingdom of Fife is furious over the filth being washed up on its beaches after Edinburgh's flood of sewage poured into the River Forth. Now Fifers have declared a waste war on their Lothian neighbours, bombarding the city with litter,...
Read full storySheryl Crow Introduces the Crowostomy Bag
Maynard MA - Former singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow unveiled her ambitious plan to fight the double scourges of global warming and individual responsibility at the annual Lovers of Fatback and Other Pork Products Earth Day Symposium.
Read full storyPETA to President's Rescue, NYSE crashes
Washington DC, Apr 22. - The People for Ethical Treatment of Adolescents has come out strongly in favor of the beleaguered President of the United States. This is perhaps the first ever time the Leader of the Free World has garnered support from an N...
Read full storyPrincess Diana, bigger than Beatles, Jesus, Earth etc!
LONDON (Ass' press) - Organisers fear the giant London concert for Live Earth may be totally overshadowed by the continued wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth surrounding the Diana memorial concert organised by the Princes Wil...
Read full storyBlackpool "To be floated out to sea"
The government have announced that the popular northern seaside resort of Blackpool is to be chipped away from the coastline of West Lancashire and floated out to sea.
Read full storyReal reason for disappearance of Atlantis: Existential Angst!
The legend of Atlantis, the country that disappeared under the sea, may be more than just a myth.
Read full storyMan Utd's Ronaldo Scoops Five PFA Awards
Crustiano Ronaldo, the Manchester United striker, cleaned up at the annual PFA awards, scooping five prizes, making him the first player in history to do so.
Read full storyBritney Tells Real Reason She Shaved Her Head
CCN - Hollywood - Today, in an interview, Britney Spears explained the real reason she shaved her head. Said ,...
Read full storyBob Dole to Appear in New Viagra Ad Campaign
Former Senator Bob Dole is set to appear in Viagra's new television ad campaign promoting their newest product, "Two-Bagger Viagra". Company spokeswoman, Mariann Caprino, says the the new drug helps men who are no longer physically att...
Read full storyBush to Make Documentary on Global Warring
Though Al Gore won the popular vote in 2000, his recent popularity has really gotten to the President, according to an inside source. Bush apparently feels slighted by his one-time rival's Academy Award and Nobel Peace Prize nomination.
Read full storyFather Won't Allow Son to Quit the Presidency
It is said that President Bush has told his father he wants to quit his job, but that the elder Bush would not allow him to.
Read full storyFormer President Clinton to be Named Ambassador of Love
Revere MA - (Rooters): Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton has said that if elected to the White House, she will name her husband the first ever Ambassador of Love. In part, his job would entail much globetrotting, carousing, and participation in flash mo...
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