The ancient Kingdom of Fife is furious over the filth being washed up on its beaches after Edinburgh's flood of sewage poured into the River Forth. Now Fifers have declared a waste war on their Lothian neighbours, bombarding the city with litter, waste and things that smell really bad.
The county's famous 'fringe of gold' has given way to a tide mark of human waste, condoms, sanitary towels and cotton buds, stretching from Queensferry in the south to the once golden sands of St Andrews in the north.
With 1,000 poisonous litres a second having streamed into the Forth over a 36-hour period, the tidal estuary spewed Scotland's capital city's waste on to the unsuspecting banks of the neighbouring Fife region.
As coastal towns and villages slammed their windows tight on Sunday as the steaming stench drifted inland, Fife responded with its own dirty protest.
Early morning commuters to Edinburgh caused massive tailbacks on the Forth Road Bridge as Fife drivers relieved themselves against the tollbooths. One bridge worker is reported to have suffered minor injuries after being struck by a rancid chicken carcass stuffed with phlegm-drenched tissues.
A number of passengers were spotted brushing their teeth, rinsing then spitting out over traffic coming in the opposite direction.
The A8000 main connecting road into the capital was littered with hundreds of bin bags full of domestic rubbish and soiled nappies, hurled out of vehicles by incensed drivers.
And the Kingdom's residents are now being urged to mail "something odious" to random addresses out of the Edinburgh phone book.
Royal Mail has had to issue staff with face masks as parcels filled with rotting fish, foul meat and human excrement choke up sorting offices.
"I couldn't believe the filth on the beach this morning when I walked the dog," said one Leven resident. "When I found out it had come from Edinburgh, I cleaned up after my dog, popped it in an envelope and posted it to the Scottish Executive."
