Kate sends William Beyonce & Shakira's 'Beautiful Liar' CD
London - (Ass Mess): Prince William has received a CD of Beyonce and Shakira's Number One hit single Beautiful Liar.
Read full storyBlair Returns Early Wedding Gift
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - Today, Prime Minister Tony Blair received the first of the early wedding gifts today from His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI. Prime Minister Blair immediately returned it.
Read full storyFrom Many Twits, One Loud Voice on the Internet
The New York High Times - Slapstream - "ONLY connect," the English novelist E. M. Forester admonished mankind. From the many Twits on Tweeter, the loudest voice speaks best for their image.
Read full storyThe Disappearance of J.K. Rowling
Ever since J.K. Rowling announced the release date for her seventh book of July 21, 2007, she has disappeared and drop from public view. Now her web site has gone down and her home in Edinburgh, Scotland is for sale and empty. No one has seen or inte...
Read full storyYou're Nicked Sunshine. Police Book Speeders At London Marathon
Brother of the PM and head of the Met, Sir Ian Blair, has today defended his force's robust policing of the Flora London Marathon.
Read full storyGod Admits: "I don't Know What to Do with Unbaptized Babies!"
Just as PaPa Zinger approved the Church study that casts doubt on the existence of limbo and expresses hope for the salvation of unbaptized babies, the clouds parted over St Peter's basilica and God himself, looking very worried, admitted that he...
Read full storyAssburn, GA HS Prom Integrated for the First Time!
For years now, even after most forms of segregation have ended in the American south, Rebel Yell HS in Assburn, GA has continued the practice of a segregated prom 2007 will be remembered as the year the prom was finally integrated.
Read full storyI can't stand Bitches
I rarely refer to a woman as a "bitch". The only time I do so is when the woman desperately deserves it.
Read full storyExpect a St George's Day disaster Hellfire Club told
London - (Ass Mess): Members of the Ancient Order of the Hellfire Club have been tipped the wink by insider sources to expect a St George's Day massacre of their members tomorrow as UK cops, spooks and prosecutors unite to purge the seat of gover...
Read full storyBritney Spears Explains Shaved Head
CCN - Hollywood - Today, in an interview, Britney Spears explained the real reason she shaved her head. Said Britney, "My idol is Sinéad O'Connor, and I hate the Pope too."...
Read full storyOne Nil to Sheryl Crowe as Karl Rove bombs at DC dinner
Washington DC - (Rioters): At a black tie dinner in the Washington Hilton on Saturday evening singer Sheryl Crowe floored White House strategist Karl Rove with some timely realpolitik.
Read full storyLarry and His Baby Heading Home
Larry Birkhead, the Los Angeles based photographer/former boyfriend of Anna Nicole Smith, will soon be home with his baby. Not home to Kentucky, but back to California, where homosexuals, especially homosexuals with babies, are more readily accepte...
Read full story5th Graders to Replace Bush and Cheney During Wedding
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today, the decision was made to replace President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney with fifth graders during President Bush's wedding, since both the President and the Vice President will be...
Read full storySpector says Gonzales Is Harming Justice Department by Staying
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Asshole General Alberto Gonzales is harming the Justice Department and President George W Bush by not resigning according to Phil Spector, a top Republican on the Judiciary Committee.
Read full storyClinton role for husband as ambassador: Iraq or London?
Washington DC - (Rotters): Hillary Clinton has promised that when she is elected as the 44th President of the United States her husband Bill will be given one of two top diplomatic posts to bolster her Administration: ambassador to Iraq or ambassado...
Read full storyChelsea's Jose Mourinho Injured, Unable to Face Liverpool
Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has had his pride severely injured by his teams lame performance against Newcastle and may find himself unable to face Liverpool on Tuesday.
Read full storyBush Gets Wedding Jitters as Wedding to Blair Moves Forward
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - President George W. Bush was visibly showing signs of wedding jitters as the plans for his wedding to Prime Minister Tony Blair move forward.
Read full storyEarth Day Ignored by Population, Earth Said to be "Hurt"
Earth Day 2007 has been largely ignored by the population of Earth. This has left Mother Earth a bit upset.
Read full storyWashington, DC Man Has A Date - With A Woman
(Georgetown, DC) -- A Washington, DC man had a date last night with a woman. Confirmed with witnesses at the Warner Theater where comic George Carlin was performing and at a nearby restaurant, it is believed to be this first such siting in at least 1...
Read full storyMike Love's Environmental Stance
The Beach Boys, and Mike Love in particular, have always been big supporters of saving our environment.
Read full storyAlec Baldwin Coming To Your F*cking Answering Machine
(Mall) -- Alec Baldwin, actor, F.A.G. Father of the Year, and answering machine "terminator," has inked a deal with Verizon network to become the Voice of Verizon. The anger-prone actor, father, and ex husband of Kim Bassinger (Jeeeeeezuz)...
Read full storyImmunisation for Iraqis... Or Microchipping the Ones U.S. Will Spare.
A massive immunisation for measles is about to take place in Iraq... or is it?...
Read full storyBush Kicks Off Earth Day with a Bang
(Washington, DC) President Bush hosted Earth Day festivities today on the White House lawn. Events included drag racing on Pennsylvania Avenue, cookouts, an air show, military fire power display, a lumberjack competition, a turkey shoot and free SU...
Read full storyWoolworths shares plummet as commemorative mugs head for landfill site
London - (Ass Mess): It must have been the tacky Woolworths royal engagement crocks that spooked the fairytale romance straight down the pan according to the retailer's irate shareholders who have seen their stock value plummet by over 50% since...
Read full storyBanksy's Real Identity Revealed
Startled residents in a small town just outside Stoke on Trent today awoke to find their Town Hall painted over in a glorious technicolour mural signed "Bansky". However, in stark contrast to other valuable paintings by the hyper-cool globa...
Read full storyNew post-Diana era hagiography brands Blair "spiteful, manipulative, media-savvy neurotic"
New York - (Rotters): A new post-Princess Diana era book written by New York fifth columnist Tina Brown slates UK Prime Mobster Tony Blair as a "spiteful, manipulative, media-savvy neurotic praying with the House of Windsor and then a series of...
Read full storyBush Promotes Alberto Gonzales to Capo
WASHINGTON (AP) - President George Bush has promoted Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to Capo from his less prestigious Consigliere position in a major show of support for the embattled but loyal member of the Bush Cosa Nostra family. The move follo...
Read full storyFirth of Forth Faeces Boosts Scottish Tourism
100 million litres of raw sewage was today pumped into the Firth of Forth in what the Scottish Tourist Board hailed as a "fantastic" move.
Read full storyDuke, the Bush Bean dog, put to death
Duke, the famous talking dog from the Bush bean commercials, was put to sleep this morning after selling the company's secret family recipe to a competitor for an undisclosed price.
Read full storyMcCartney Accepts Proposal to Play at Tony Blair's Wedding
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - U.K. - Today, Sir Paul McCartney accepted Sir Elton John's proposal to play with him for Prime Minister Tony Blair's wedding to President George W. Bush.
Read full storyBlair Selects Wedding Party Members
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - Today, Prime Minister Tony Blair selected the person who will give him away and his bridesmaid. At first, Peter Mandleson was selected to give Tony away, but when Prince Charles announced that he could make it, Mandle...
Read full storyEvery Country Is Now Fleeing in Space Ships
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Space - The whole world is fleeing into space, fearing that President Bush might just push "the button" thinking that he's ordering coffee. Even the world's smallest country, Vatican City, has launched a ship...
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