(Mall) -- Alec Baldwin, actor, F.A.G. Father of the Year, and answering machine "terminator," has inked a deal with Verizon network to become the Voice of Verizon. The anger-prone actor, father, and ex husband of Kim Bassinger (Jeeeeeezuz) will record several greetings and messages that Verizon subscribers can access for incoming calls ("Wake Up! Wake Up! Wake Up you little f*cking pig.") as well as outgong calls (:"Hey you said you'd be there. You do this to me again and again and again. You wouldn't pull this sh*t with your mother")
For an additional $3.95/month, the former star of GlennGary, Glen Ross, The Departed, and TV's 30 Rock, will send a personal message of your choosing to a caller of your choice, ("Happy Mother's Day you inconsiderate olde f*ck!") ("Merry F*cking Chrismas. You'll get nothing nothing nothing.")
The other Baldwin brothers could not be reached for f*cking comment. Reached in Hollyweird, Baldwin pal and costar Matt Damon observed, "Matt Damon."
