CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York, NY - David Letterman has quit his talk show after learning from Morpheus that the U.S. is The Matrix come to life. Donning the now legendary dark glasses, he said to the world, "I am Neo."
Letterman said that he had suspected this might be true all along, but didn't awaken to the reality until he heard about Bush proposing to Blair. For his last show, he held up a photograph of Bush and Blair as "Dumb and Dumber." Letterman is now flying around the Matrix trying to wake others up to join him in the fight for reality.
The Late Show host will be replaced by Paul Schaffer who will be replaced by Late Show Commentator Alan Kalter who will be replaced by Biff Henderson who will be replaced by the Ed Sullivan Theatre janitor who will be replaced by Alberto Gonzales.