Mike Love's Environmental Stance

Written by Doug Burrell

Sunday, 22 April 2007

The Beach Boys, and Mike Love in particular, have always been big supporters of saving our environment.

They've made at least two albums dedicated to raising awareness about this very issue. In fact, SUMMER IN PARADISE is considered by some to be the greatest "pro-environment" album ever released in 1992. But, after some reflection and under advisement from his accountants, Mike Love has decided that his environmentally-friendly stance has cost him a great deal of money.

After reviewing ticket sales of Beach Boys concerts from the last 40 years, evidence shows that the peak concert season is summer. People associate The Beach Boys with the sun and surf and when the weather is cold, fewer people go to see the band. In fact, during the fall and winter months, concert attendance falls 425%. That's an average loss of about $2,342,185.47 per year. Which, if extrapolated over 40 years comes up to over $100 million.

Now, as any front man for an oldies act will tell you, there's a lot of potential for extra cash in there somewhere. So, being the financial genius that he is, Mike decided that the best way to keep concert revenues up is to make it summer all year long. And, the only way to do that is if he could somehow expedite the onset of global warming. Therefore, Mike and bandmate Bruce Johnston hurried into the studio and have recorded a brand new album dedicated to destroying the environment. The album is called ENDLESS SUMMER, LITERALLY.

The first single, written by Mike Love, is called, "Summer Means More of Love"

Verse 1

Way been when, well our master plan
was to save the earth and do what we can.
But, after 40 years, we can finally see,
that doing that is hurting Bruce and me.
When the winter comes at the summer's end,
no one wants to see us then.
So, we can keep it warm and tour all year
if we try to deplete the ozone layer.


Let's pollute the seas,
chop down the trees,
burn some fossil fuels so we don't have to freeze.
It's summer all year long.
How could that be wrong?
So, spray those chemicals and play a Beach Boys song.

Verse 2

It's cold outside, the snow is falling down.
Everybody sits at home with a big ol' frown.
The streets are icy and you're trapped inside.
Chances are you're gonna freeze and die.
But, it doesn't have to be that way,
if we all pollute our Mother Earth today.
Just imagine how much fun it'd be
to see a Beach Boys show on Christmas Eve.

Repeat Chorus


We need a change now wouldn't it be nice
if we could get rid of all of this cold and ice.
We got to do what you know is right
and keep Bruce and me on the stage each night.

Verse 3

It's kinda sad on the earth, you know,
when I have to sue my friends just to make some dough. We can't make money when it's 20 degrees,
so that's why I am asking you please.
Let's make global warming our new goal in our lives,
so I can make enough to support my ex-wives.
And don't you worry 'bout what Al Gore said.
By the time the climate kills us, we'll all be dead.

Repeat Chorus twice

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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