Put a Tamil Tiger in your tank
London - (Rotters): Sri Lankan rebel Tamil Tigers are being blamed for a bank card cloning scam targetting motorists across the UK.
Read full storyHarry Potter star Radcliffe dumped as Equus show bombs
London - (Ass Mess): The West End stage show Equus is closing early in June and leading actor Daniel Radcliffe has been dumped after audiences said that the sex scenes were faked.
Read full storyNew Twist in Anna Nicole Smith Paternity Row
A huge twist was announced today in the Anna Nicole Smith paternity saga when it emerged earlier results were actually false.
Read full storyJobless Doctors to be Shipped Overseas
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - U.K. - In an effort to improve labor statistics in the U.K, Tony Blair is having all jobless doctors to be shipped overseas.
Read full storyWolfowitz a top suspect as wolfbane poison found in Woolmer's windpipe
Kingston, Jamaica - (Ass Mess): World Bank CEO Paul Wolfowitz has emerged as the prime suspect in the murder enquiry into Pakistani cricket coach Bob Woolmer's death.
Read full storySir Elton John Picked to Perform at Blair/Bush Wedding
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - U.K. - Today, Sir Elton John was picked to play at the Blair/Bush wedding. Sir Elton was astonished, thinking that Bush didn't like gays.
Read full storyArnold Chosen as Bush's Best Man
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - California - Arnold Schwarzenegger received the news that George Bush has selected him to be best man at the Bush/Blair wedding.
Read full storySex in Space - Astro-Tourist Returns After Zero-G Shagging!
Billionaire space tourist Chuck Simon and two crew from the Pan-International Space Station (PISS) have safely returned to Earth.
Read full storyDr Sanjay Gupta Finds Answer to Fountain of Youth
The CNN Chief Medical correspondent has a apparently found the fountain of youth. In his waste of time documentary, Gupta found a way to prevent ageing. This explains the longevity of certain CNN journalists who seem to defy death and age: Larry King...
Read full storyKeane is secret ballet dancer
There was shock today at the stadium of light in Sunderland after it emerged that manager Roy Keane was found in tights dancing to four seasons.
Read full storyBush Chooses Schwarzenegger as Best Man
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Today, Bush announced that he has chosen Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger over Vice President Dick Cheney to be best man at his much publicized pending wedding to Tony Blair.
Read full storyLaura Bush Wishes George and Tony Her Best
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today Laura Bush gave George and Tony Blair her blessings to marry.
Read full storyBush Tells Twins to Sow Wild Oats Before Roe is Overturned
Since the Supreme Court's ruling to uphold the Federal Abortion Ban, President Bush told his daughters in a heart-to-heart conference call that now is the time to have unprotected sex.
Read full storyNRA woos 1944 Miss America Venus Ramey
Waynesburg, Kentucky - (Ass Mess): The National Riflemen's Association is seeking to recruit 82 year old Venus Ramey -who won the 1944 Miss America contest - as the NRA's latest pin-up following her spectacular tackle of suspected thieves at...
Read full storyGordon Brown Furious About Blair/Bush Engagement
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - "I can't believe that Tony dumped me for that idiot" shouted Gordon Brown upon hearing the news of the Blair/Bush engagement. "George Bush wouldn't be so tough without his Secret Service. Give...
Read full storyWolfowitz Lovers Go "Round The World" at Bank
(Duty Free, Dulles Int'l Airport) -- World Bank President & PimpDaddy Paul "The Wolf" Wolfowitz has routinely put lovers, girlfriends, and one night stands on the payroll of The World Bank.
Read full storyArrests after Brawl at Garden party
Police today confirmed they made nine arrests after a near riot at the royal garden party at Buckingham Palace.
Read full storySpace Station sex tourism fears mount amid zero gravity orgasm delight reports
Outer Space - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): The International Space Sation - ISS - may become just another cheap and tacky sex tourism hot spot following reports that zero gravity orgasms far outshine anything achievable on earth.
Read full storyBaby Boxing Slags Unrepentant
Four boxing promoters from Plymouth have been told to clean up their act or face having their licence revoked.
Read full storyMichael Jordan Divorce to be Costliest Ever
Michael Jordan's divorce settlement will easily bypass Paul McCartney's as the costliest of all times. In addition to large amounts of money, alimony, child support, homes, cars, clothes, and jewelry, the soon to be ex Mrs. Jordan is seeking...
Read full storyAlec Baldwin Apologizes to Daughter For Remarks
Alec Baldwin apologized to his daughter yesterday for his telephone message where he referred to her as a pig. He was so distraught by his words and his anger that he felt he had to make it up to the eleven year old.
Read full storyBritney Spears Latest Rants Caught On Tape
Britney Spear's latest rants were caught on tape by reporters from Seventeen Magazine. Following is a transcript of that rant: "Let's talk about Kevin, okay? Kevin, is, I mean, you know, he's kind of, well, you know how he is, right? He's just...
Read full storyCharles vs Cena set for Raw
WWE today confirmed that Champion John Cena will defend his WWE championship against Prince Charles when raw hits the UK on Monday.
Read full storyActress Natalie Portman Comes Out of Closet, Admits Bi-Sexuality
Actress Natalie Portman came out of the closet and admitted that there is nothing wrong with making yourself available sexually to the "other half of the population." Though she did not admit openly to having a relationship with another female, sh...
Read full storyKate Middleton, Borat audition for A Woman Scorned silent remake
London - (Ass Mess): Ex-royal wannabe Kate Middleton is to audition for the remake of the 1915 American silent short film A Woman Scorned in what has been billed as a £5 million movie contract brokered by connections of Quentin Tarrantino.
Read full storyDaleks in BBC Shocker
In a shock statement by the BBC today it was revealed that the actors used inside the shells of the terrifying Daleks in the new Dr Who series are in fact Gummi-bears. A spokesman today commented that the only creatures small enough to fit in the gap...
Read full storyOliver Stone to direct Bush/Cheney impeachment ad
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Triple Oscar winning movie maker Oliver Stone is set to direct an advert for a campaign calling for the impeachment of George W Bush and his eminence grise Dick Cheney.
Read full storyExams are Getting Easier due to Massacres
A four year report today concluded that exams are in fact getting easier. Today, students with lower IQs can expect to get higher grades in GCSEs, AS levels and A levels than 40 years ago.
Read full storyHampstead residents baton down the hatches amid eurotrash christening of Geri's daughter
London - (Ass Mess): Residents of the multi-millionaire North London enclave of Hampstead are barricading themselves in their bijou properties this weekend as the dregs of eurotrash z-list celebs descend on the leafy neighborhood for the christening...
Read full storyBollywood Stars' Multi Million Dollar Wedding
Bollywood heartthrob Abhishek Bachchan and top actress Aishwarya Rai were married yesterday in a ceremony that brought most of Mumbai to a standstill.
Read full storyNew 'Faces' in Indian team
Mumbai, Apr 20 - Ending weeks of speculation, the Board for Consumption of Cricket in India (BCCI) has announced the team for the upcoming tour of Bangladesh. And for once, promises made at the end of a pathetic performance seem to have been kept.
Read full storyAmerican Universities Join NRA
Washington, DC. - In what is being seen as a reaction to recent shooting events across the nation, a consortium of Universities along the East and Western Coasts have joined their South-Central counterparts in joining the National Rifle Association a...
Read full storyVictoria's Secret Revealed
(The Mall) -- In an exclusive for TheSpoof.com and in what advertising and marketing executives say has got to be THE worst marketing blunder in modern history, a part time employee of a Victoria's Secret at the Tyson's Corner Mall in Vienna,...
Read full storyMel Gibson to Counsel Alec Baldwin, "What Women Want"
(Hollyweird) -- Actor, Director, & Recovering Anti-semite Mel Gibson is reportedly meeting in seclusion this weekend with Actor & F.A.G. Father of the Year Alec Baldwin to counsel the star of TV's 30 Rock, Scorcese's The Departed, and daughte...
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