Actress Natalie Portman Comes Out of Closet, Admits Bi-Sexuality

Saturday, 21 April 2007

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Actress Natalie Portman came out of the closet and admitted that there is nothing wrong with making yourself available sexually to the "other half of the population."

Though she did not admit openly to having a relationship with another female, she did admit that C-3PO, JarJar Binks, and Wookies really knew how to please a woman. "I guess that makes me a tri-sexual, or a multi-sexual, or something. No, wait, would doing it with C-3PO be the same as using a vibrator? He's a machine, and we know that those are okay."

When asked if there were currently any women out there that she fantasized about, Natalie would not answer, except to say that "Rosie O'Donnel is not on the list because I'm not into whales."

As far as JarJar was concerned, Natalie only had this comment to offer: "Have you seen the size of his tongue? He's really good with it!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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