Wolfowitz a top suspect as wolfbane poison found in Woolmer's windpipe

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Saturday, 21 April 2007


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Cops are really stumped on the Wolfowitz/wolfbane connection

Kingston, Jamaica - (Ass Mess): World Bank CEO Paul Wolfowitz has emerged as the prime suspect in the murder enquiry into Pakistani cricket coach Bob Woolmer's death.

The development follows confirmation from the Kingston coroner Patrick Murphy that autopsy tests found significant amounts of wolfbane poison in Woolmer's windpipe 'as if he suddenly choked on the aconite flower's deadly paralysis-spreading toxins'.

And now witnesses from Pakistan have come forward claiming that Paul Wolfowitz commissioned the poisoning after protracted blackmail over his youthful philandering proclivities that saw him sate his appetite on countless nine and ten year old virgins.

The new evidence proposes that Wolfowitz had a massive and deadly row with Woolmer late last year after Jemima Khan, the UK society wannabe-somebody and ex-wife of former Pakistani cricket hero Imran Khan, proved to be Wolfowitz's natural daughter.

Jemima has made a successful career out of posing as the daughter of the late UK tycoon Jimmy Goldsmith and Annabelle, the Marquess of Londonderry's sister.

But her spectacular rise to meteoric wealth is not credible according to the UK taxman who says she could never have inherited even one tenth of Jimmy Goldsmith's ££££s according to tax returns filed on the estate since his death.

"We suspect that Wolfowitz doshed up this bastard daughter from money he stole in the Saddam Oil-for-Fraud scam," said a Revenue & Customs source.

Police are now probing what ex-husband Imran Khan also knew of the connection and whetrher he too compromised Woolmer when he was appointed as the Pakistani national cricket team coach.

Shaha Rizla is 48.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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