Democrats Vow Apocalypse for 2020

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Thursday, 4 June 2020

image for Democrats Vow Apocalypse for 2020
"Hell opened up, and put on sale.... Gather 'round and haggle."

NEW YORK - Major cities in the United States have been devastated by riots, arson, and widespread looting. In a bold political calculation, Democrats put their full support behind Anarchists, Marxists, and Nihilistic Mobs. Their policy announcement was made less than an hour after President Trump declared that Antifa would be prosecuted as "Domestic Terrorists", and video clips on TV included mayors, governors, and the usual members of Congress.

Even "Never-Trump" GOP Establishment pundits joined the Democrats' position, with Bill Kristol and Jonah Goldberg in a YouTube video pledging their solidarity to Antifa by throwing Molotov Cocktails at a Trump poster on a brick wall. Several Democrat Mayors implemented a "No-Jail-for-Arsonists-Rapists-Thieves" (aka. "No-Jail-for-ART") during protests. New York City has arrested more than 2000 people, and then released them without any bail-bond requirement, with similar action from Liberal District Attorneys in Washington, DC and Portland, Oregon.

After Hollywood celebrities wrote an open letter to "Defund the Police", city council members of Minneapolis called for an end to police protection of school children. Going even further, a few city leaders suggested that Public Safety could use "Work Release" programs, and many criminals on parole might pay their debt to society by guarding banks, inspecting jewelry stores, or watching the security cameras in women's fashion outlets.

November Predictions - "No Democrats Voting"

The performance of 17 Democrat Candidates for US President in 2020 has been so horrible that polling indicates as many as 70% of Liberal Voters will spend November - Smoking Pot - and watching YouTube "reruns" of Obama campaigning from 2008. Joe Biden may be "perfect" by the standards of Deep State CIA authoritarians, but ordinary Americans find Biden to be completely UNELECTABLE because of unexplained mental lapses, and random urges to sniff women's hair.

Abdel K. (Democrat Strategist): "Although I don't believe in any gods, we really need a Global Armageddon. You know, Four Horsemen kind of stuff, but with more depravity, ruin, and death. Democrats have lost a lot of power in Washington, but now we have to remember the most important thing in politics - It is better to Rule in Hell, than to Serve in Heaven."

Other Democrats are more cynical, mourn hopelessly, and say among themselves "who can possibly stand against the Power of the Orange Beast?" Many lobbyists in the US Capitol admit that (treasonous) politicians feel helpless, even though they have accepted BILLIONS in Campaign Contributions (bribes) from Globalists seeking a Shadow-One-World-Government, and from International Criminal Organizations who benefit from eliminating security which would stop trafficking of drugs and adolescent sex-slaves. For the most part, career politicians are betting that billions may die as lawlessness is encouraged, but having power concentrated in the hands of a few elites will allow them to survive in their guarded million-dollar mansions and secret underground shelters.

Alistair Engels (Satanist): "When Hillary ran for US President in 2016, I was so happy because I thought she would make a hundred countries burn like Benghazi, spread Civil Wars like in Syria, collapse governments like in Yemen, and spread nuclear weapons material around the world like her Uranium One deal in 2010 while she was Secretary of State. The world could have been consumed in fire, and fulfilled every Doomsday Prophesy. Now the Democrat party has revived the dreams of Apocalypse in 2020. Hail Satan!!!"

In other news, the "World Health Organization" (W.H.O.) is still cooperating with Chinese Bioweapons Facilities to keep global plague dreams alive.


"The Dogs of War" (Pink Floyd, 1988)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more