Apocalypse 2019 - "Everyone to Kill Everybody Else"

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Saturday, 5 January 2019

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Watched American "Journalists" all of 2018.... Now, ready for 2019.

New Orleans, LA - Throughout the ages, there have been many predictions about the "End Times" or the Apocalypse. The "Doomsday Clock" has been at "three minutes to midnight" almost a dozen times in less than 20 years. The simple conclusion that an ordinary person would make, based the announcements of "The Most Intelligent and Respected Experts", is - EXPERTS HAVE NO F_CKING CLUE.

Naturally, I mean no disrespect to "The Experts", although they get things WRONG (again and again and again). Therefore, it seemed a better "Doomsday" estimate could be achieved through online surveys and world information which is readily available to the public.

Is 2019 the year of the Apocalypse? ... Actually, yes (but not for the typical reasons).

I went to ask a popular psychic near an Arts College which happens to be in my neighborhood.

Madam Le-Chaton (French Quarter): "I am going to drink wine until I can't feel my face.... Siri, how many days to Mardi Gras?"

Full Disclosure: It was around lunch-time, and I did not pay for a reading. However, I am certain there was a persistent aura of gloom (which could have been from college loans where she had recently graduated with a second Liberal Arts degree).

Online Source - US TV Reporters in 2018

Hyperventilating American TV Anchors spent much of 2018 in TEARS, because ALL Life on Earth was at the edge of annihilation. Every week, for a total of 938 "Breaking News Reports", the Media Personalities warned of crisis after crisis, and nearly every report began with "Moments ago, a Tweet from the White House...."

Survey of United Nations Members

This took MUCH less time than expected.... Sometimes automated phone tree messages provided answers, and many nations had Website publicity statements. However, a majority of the "Third World" members could not be reached directly, so the best alternative was asking "the people who know everything."

The most common caption for the Third-World countries searched in Google Images was "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

The Vatican's 2019 New Year's proclamation from Pope Francis (translated) was "Yea, we are all going to die as the Anti-Green Horseman of Global-Warming pours out his/her/xe politically correct vengeance upon the Earth." National member representatives of the Brussels EU Leadership Network said the same thing except for the "Horseman" part.

There was a glimmer of Non-Apocalypse Hope, as President Donald Trump said that he wanted to end US Military Combat in Syria and Afghanistan. Instead of paying for bombs that "Go BOOM", the President thought "a really nice wall" would be "a thing of beauty to last for generations."

Unfortunately, Democrats in the US Congress were in "Full Doomsday" mode. Threats were made, saying if the President does not follow CIA Advice on Foreign Military Intervention, then he must be removed according to the 25th Amendment for "being a Poo-Poo-Head."

Trump Supporters were also blamed for US Bombs not falling on Syria and Afghanistan. Congressman Hank Johnson (D-GA) used the words "this treasonous refusal to bomb Non-English-Speaking Nations proves that Trump caved to his Radical Nazi base." If Trump signs a Universal Peace Treaty tomorrow, expect the US Congress (under CIA recommendations) to declare Universal Bombing and War.... That's how much political hate exists in DC.

Elsewhere.... China says they will sink two US Aircraft Carriers in International Waters to show they are NOT afraid of "Global Thermo-Nuclear War." Russia tested Hyper-Sonic Nuclear Missiles, and publicly announced their capability of starting World War 3 in "fifteen minutes or less." Not to be outdone, Iran released a 60-minute Infomercial with a translated title of "DEATH TO AMERICA, Death to Israel, Death to the Saudis, Death to Twitter, Death to ...." (Note - its Arabic title is 370 words in length).

Conclusion - based on the behavior of the "Top 0.01 Percent" (who control Nuclear Weapons and various armies, belong to "Intelligence Agencies", or serve in bureaucratic organizations which Tax, Incarcerate, or Mandate Labor):

2019 is expected to be the year "Everyone Plans to Kill Everybody Else Everywhere on the Planet. PERIOD."

Illuminati Lost Control of CIA ?!!!
Baby Jesus Would Adore Globalist Authoritarians

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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