Triump Advocates Middle Ages Bloodletting

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 28 May 2020

image for Triump Advocates Middle Ages Bloodletting
Trump muses about bloodletting

Saturday night, Trump retweeted a Twitter user who claimed that hydroxychloroquine “Is Most Effective EARLY” for treating Covid-19." Trump added a comment to his retweet saying, “Many physicians agree with you. Also, some very good studies!” So the President won’t give up on touting the malaria drug. Doctors say the drug isn’t effective against the virus.

Next, anonymous sources in the Administration say the President is thinking about once again suggesting that people inject kitchen supplies, like Drano, into their veins to fight COVID-19.

There’s more, The same sources report that the President is also considering advocating blood letting, an ancient practice where blood would be drained from a patient who had been cut for this purpose. Trump is telling associates that for thousands of years, medical practitioners clung to the belief that sickness was merely the result of a little “bad blood”. He wants to know why ancient wisdom has been abandoned. “People tell me that the plague in Europe, only several years ago, was halted by people having their arteries nicked and letting the bad blood flow.” The plague wasn't a few years ago, and blood letting harmed people.

“It isn’t surprising that Trump would advocate medical practices from the Middle Ages, hundreds of years ago. He should have a great affinity for those times. They were, of course, called the Dark Ages.” Life during this time was full of uncultured barbarians, evil tyrants and superstitious peasants,” said historian Carleton C. Rodee.

“Trump has all 3 of these characteristics. The President knows nothing about music, art, and literature; he wants to have a kind of tyrannical reign where the executive is in total control; and he is, indeed, superstitious. Conspiracy theories are a form of superstition. They work on the assumption that bad things must be willed by human actors. Trump has created or endorsed many conspiracy theories: Ted Cruz's father was involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy; Vaccines may be causing autism and other problems; Muslims were celebrating on New Jersey roofs on Sept. 11, 2001; Joe Scarbourgh is a murderer; and many other conspiracies.”

Professor Rodee concluded, "It’s obvious why Trump would want to return us to the dark ages. It’s where he belongs.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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