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Sisyphus Shocked Over Bolder Staying Put

Greek myth correspondent reports that, earlier today, Sisyphus pushed his bolder up the hill for the billionth time, and surprisingly it stayed put. Sisyphus now to go somewhere quiet and cry.

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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Artificially Intelligent Autonomous Tank Receives Sex Reassignment Surgery

The world's first autonomous tank received sex reassignment surgery yesterday when army mechanics sawed off his turret cannon.

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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God Reveals His Atheism

Millions of religious fanatics all over the world were crushed by the news that God is an atheist. "I'm a flawed imaginary being who has never believed in myself, I don't know why anyone else would."

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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Florida Wal Mart Welcomes Emotional Support Alligators

Florida Wal Mart is enjoying an uptick in business as it formally welcomes red neck patrons with emotional support alligators.

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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Corporation Looking to Utilize Infamous Weedkiller to Treat the Cancer that it Causes

Major Corporation petitions FDA to approve infamous weedkiller for use as a highly overpriced cancer treatment drug for the cancers that it most likely causes.

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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White Trash Americans Finally Find Purpose as Vigilante Border Patrol

Discontented white trash Americans finally find purpose in terrorizing innocent asylum-seeking migrants, as members of vigilante border patrols.

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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Monkey With Machine Gun Given a Lesser Charge of Manslaughter

Prosecutors reduce charges to manslaughter for murderous machine gun-wielding monkey. "He didn't know what he was doing, he's just a monkey."

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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Fisher Price Nationalist Tot Play Set Line Discontinued

Nationalist parents angry over Fisher Price's decision to halt development of field strippable, assault rifle toy play set for toddlers.

written by C/L, 24 April 2019
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