ISIS to Require Formal Applications and Tuition for Enrollment in Their Terrorist Training Program
Falling on hard times, ISIS has been forced to formalize their suicide bomber training. Interested candidates will now have to fill out application forms, and pay tuition for their courses.
Intelligence Reports Confirm That Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross Sleeps in A Money-Lined Coffin
U.S. Intelligence agencies confirm that Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross sleeps in a coffin lined with laundered money from his days as head of the Cyprus Bank.
Dirt Biking Russian Bear Becomes Motorcycle Mechanic
Laid off dirt biking Russian circus bear finds retraining and employment as motorcycle mechanic.
New Tax on the Poor to Bolster Subsidies to the Wealthiest Americans
Republican Senators set to pass a new tax on the poor to bolster subsidies for the wealthiest Americans.
Catholic Church Removes Jerked Chicken and Pulled Pork from Seminary Menus
In a misguided effort to avoid subliminal sexual suggestion, Catholic officials remove pulled pork and jerked chicken from seminary menus.
Beloved Knife Juggler Remembered After Tickling Tragedy
Beloved knife juggler remembered after his suicidal partner rushes in and tickles him during 'One Hundred Butcher Knives' routine.
Bruce Lee Festival Shut Down For Massive Nunchuck Brawl
Bruce Lee festival shut down after massive nunchuck brawl breaks out.
President Trump Perplexed as to why Muammar Gaddafi Is Not Returning His Calls
Angry White house staffers play rock, paper, scissors, to see who will explain to Trump that Gaffadi has been dead for years.
Republican Senators Hang Portrait of Russian Despot in their Congressional Offices
Anonymous lobbyists report that a majority of Republican Senators have a portrait of dictator Vladimir Putin hanging on their walls where Donald Trump's portrait should be.
Millions of Catholics Are Secretly Angry With Pope Francis
Millions of Catholics are secretly angry with Pope Francis for breaking the longstanding tradition of being a cold son of a b*tch and standing as a shining example of mocking benevolence.
Lawn Dart Convention Ends in Mass Tragedy
International Lawn Dart Convention ends in mass tragedy, when a dense crowd of participants throws lawn darts in the air simultaneously in a poorly thought out closing ceremony.
Pharmaceutical Company Who Sickens People With Their Stupid Ads Has Invented a New Drug to Treat It
A Leading pharmaceutical company has created an obscenely overpriced drug to treat the illnesses created by watching their sickening commercials.