There were 143 spoof news snippets published in April 2019. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Coalition of Red States and the NRA to Give Personhood to all Fireams
A number of conservative lawmakers in conjunction with the NRA, have drafted legislation to give individual protections to firearms. An NRA spokesperson said that, "Guns need protections as citizens!"
written by C/L, 19 April 2019
Policewoman Placed on Administrative Leave for Fight-Club Style Beating
Policewoman placed on administrative leave after officials review body-cam footage of her beating the sh*t out of herself. Prosecutors still contemplating pressing charges.
written by C/L, 19 April 2019
A Recent Study has Concluded that Worldwide Nationalism Will Lead to Headbutting
A recent study has concluded that Nationalism will lead to headbutting as a form of personal greetings, by the year 2021.
Trump Attacks Bullsh*t Mueller Report While the Rest of the World Attacks His Bullsh*t Presidency
In a not so stunning move, Donald Trump continues to attack the Mueller report, while the rest of the non-white trash world, continues to attack his bullsh*t presidency.
Trump Gives Real Reason Why He Can't Release His Taxes
In a statement earlier today, Trump said that he cannot release his taxes because they are printed in Russian.
Medical Researchers Have Concluded That Constant Exposure to Donald Trump's Lying is Dangerous
Medical experts have discovered that people who are constantly exposed to Donald Trump's lying, can develop extreme I.Q. deficiencies, along with uncontrollable fist-pumping and hooting.
Pete Buttigieg Gains Approval Bump Among French Voters
Peter Buttigieg gains approval among French voters after relaying his condolences over the Notre Dame fire in French. Great sentiment, wrong voters.
CERN Scientists Try to Open Up Wormhole With Anal Speculum
Overworked scientists at CERN Particle accelerator laboratory, resort to installing an anal speculum in particle collider in an effort to open up a wormhole in space/time.
President Trump Nominates Ivanka to Head World Wank Bank
"She'll be excellent in this role! After all, she's been number one in my personal wank bank since she was twelve years old!"
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 20 April 2019
White House Spokeswoman Confirms That Reporters are Talking to Trump's Actual Head
White House spokeswoman Sarah Sanders confirms: "Reporters are actually talking to Trump's head, and not a bare ass, flatulent man doing a hand stand."
Psychiatric Researcher Reports on Trump Rally Hallucinations
A psychiatric researcher utilizing LSD during a Trump rally, reports on strange hallucinatory visions of a "kind and caring leader in front of a normal, well-adjusted crowd."
Rudolph Giuliani is Real Life T.V. Show Campy Vampire Grandpa
Rudolph Giuliani is an actual real-life campy-vampire, who has found his rightful place as Lord of Dumbness, and lies within the ghoulish Trump family.
Mueller Report Transcribed Into Four-Hundred Page Coloring Book
In an effort to allow President Trump to better understand the Mueller report, White House staffers have transcribed it into a four-hundred page coloring book, complete with Presidential crayon set.
Bill Signing Tutor Gives Up on President Trump
Special Bill Signing Tutor resigns after spending two years, unsuccessfully, trying to break the President's habit of signing his name in giant-scrawl and childishly showing it to everyone.
Yellow Vest Protesters Turn Violent Over French Elites Before Taking a Break in Five Star Gourmet Bistro
Furious Yellow Vest protestors become violent in Paris, yelling and throwing stones over the issues surrounding French elites. They were later found dining in a five-star gourmet bistro.
Mitt Romney Admits to Being 1950s Ad Dad
Mitt Romney admits that he is the stereotypical 1950s ad-dad minus the tobacco pipe. "I just want to bring all of that gee-golly-neat-mister spirit back to America."
Putin Insiders Describe the Dictators Maniacal Hissing Noise
Henchmen close to Vladimir Putin describe how the Russian dictator hisses like a maniacal vampire, complete with fangs and snake eyes, when the subject of sanctions comes up.
It's National Vandalism Month
The National Vandalism Foundation is raising money for vandals by encouraging people to take the 'Mail Box Baseball Challenge.'
Scouts to Add Machine Gun Nest Merit Badge
Scouts to add 'Machine Gun Nest Merit Badge', in an effort to keep pace with rising nationalist trends.
Donald Trump to Replace the Lincoln Monument with the Trump Monument
President Trump to replace the Lincoln Monument with the Trump Monument to commemorate his role in the destruction of the American Republic.
More Societal Rejects Pledge the Use of Deadly Force
States with 'Right to use deadly force' laws, seeing an uptick in social rejects "Pledging to feel threatened, and randomly shoot people."
Anger Managment Counsellor Ordered to Enroll in Anger Management Courses
Anger management counsellor ordered to enroll in anger management courses after losing his temper with enraged patient.
Donald Trump Angry that Alec Baldwin is More Popular as Donald Trump Character
Donald Trump's anger continues over actor Alec Baldwin's popular satirical portrayal of him being more likeable than watching the real and abysmal Trump himself.
written by C/L, 21 April 2019
Trump's Presidential Library to be Built in Moscow's Red Light District
Trump's Presidential Library to be located in Moscow's red light district, the capital of money laundering and "golden showers".
written by C/L, 21 April 2019
The Press Does Not Know the Truth About My Lies Says White House Press Secretary
White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders stated, "Lying for a President who does nothing but lie is exhausting full time work. I can't tell what reality is anymore."
The Three Major Faiths Angered by Buddhism
Christians, Jews, and Muslims wish Buddhists would promote anger, and guilt over enlightenment, and happiness.
Concussion Grenade Manufacturer Applies Schroedinger's Cat Principle to Legal liability
A recent munitions corporation press release has stated,"Our grenades are 100% battlefield effective, but if they're used in acts of civilian terror, people most likely were killed by something else."
Extreme Ice Cream Truck to Debut This Summer
New in the summer T.V. line-up, Extreme Ice Cream Truck promises to combine the suspense of a survival based reality show, with the beloved violence of a Mad Maxian movie chase.
Pharmaceutical Company Who Sickens People With Their Stupid Ads Has Invented a New Drug to Treat It
A Leading pharmaceutical company has created an obscenely overpriced drug to treat the illnesses created by watching their sickening commercials.
Lawn Dart Convention Ends in Mass Tragedy
International Lawn Dart Convention ends in mass tragedy, when a dense crowd of participants throws lawn darts in the air simultaneously in a poorly thought out closing ceremony.
Millions of Catholics Are Secretly Angry With Pope Francis
Millions of Catholics are secretly angry with Pope Francis for breaking the longstanding tradition of being a cold son of a b*tch and standing as a shining example of mocking benevolence.
Republican Senators Hang Portrait of Russian Despot in their Congressional Offices
Anonymous lobbyists report that a majority of Republican Senators have a portrait of dictator Vladimir Putin hanging on their walls where Donald Trump's portrait should be.
President Trump Perplexed as to why Muammar Gaddafi Is Not Returning His Calls
Angry White house staffers play rock, paper, scissors, to see who will explain to Trump that Gaffadi has been dead for years.
Bruce Lee Festival Shut Down For Massive Nunchuck Brawl
Bruce Lee festival shut down after massive nunchuck brawl breaks out.
Beloved Knife Juggler Remembered After Tickling Tragedy
Beloved knife juggler remembered after his suicidal partner rushes in and tickles him during 'One Hundred Butcher Knives' routine.
Catholic Church Removes Jerked Chicken and Pulled Pork from Seminary Menus
In a misguided effort to avoid subliminal sexual suggestion, Catholic officials remove pulled pork and jerked chicken from seminary menus.
New Tax on the Poor to Bolster Subsidies to the Wealthiest Americans
Republican Senators set to pass a new tax on the poor to bolster subsidies for the wealthiest Americans.
Dirt Biking Russian Bear Becomes Motorcycle Mechanic
Laid off dirt biking Russian circus bear finds retraining and employment as motorcycle mechanic.
Intelligence Reports Confirm That Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross Sleeps in A Money-Lined Coffin
U.S. Intelligence agencies confirm that Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross sleeps in a coffin lined with laundered money from his days as head of the Cyprus Bank.
ISIS to Require Formal Applications and Tuition for Enrollment in Their Terrorist Training Program
Falling on hard times, ISIS has been forced to formalize their suicide bomber training. Interested candidates will now have to fill out application forms, and pay tuition for their courses.
Fisher Price Nationalist Tot Play Set Line Discontinued
Nationalist parents angry over Fisher Price's decision to halt development of field strippable, assault rifle toy play set for toddlers.
Monkey With Machine Gun Given a Lesser Charge of Manslaughter
Prosecutors reduce charges to manslaughter for murderous machine gun-wielding monkey. "He didn't know what he was doing, he's just a monkey."
White Trash Americans Finally Find Purpose as Vigilante Border Patrol
Discontented white trash Americans finally find purpose in terrorizing innocent asylum-seeking migrants, as members of vigilante border patrols.
Corporation Looking to Utilize Infamous Weedkiller to Treat the Cancer that it Causes
Major Corporation petitions FDA to approve infamous weedkiller for use as a highly overpriced cancer treatment drug for the cancers that it most likely causes.
Florida Wal Mart Welcomes Emotional Support Alligators
Florida Wal Mart is enjoying an uptick in business as it formally welcomes red neck patrons with emotional support alligators.
God Reveals His Atheism
Millions of religious fanatics all over the world were crushed by the news that God is an atheist. "I'm a flawed imaginary being who has never believed in myself, I don't know why anyone else would."
Artificially Intelligent Autonomous Tank Receives Sex Reassignment Surgery
The world's first autonomous tank received sex reassignment surgery yesterday when army mechanics sawed off his turret cannon.
Sisyphus Shocked Over Bolder Staying Put
Greek myth correspondent reports that, earlier today, Sisyphus pushed his bolder up the hill for the billionth time, and surprisingly it stayed put. Sisyphus now to go somewhere quiet and cry.
Pacific Ocean Declared Massive World Heritage Aquatic Dump Site
Anti-environmentalist group proudly bestows World Heritage Aquatic Dump Status on the massive trash vortex in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
A Texas Jury Finds Swarm of Killer Bees Guilty of Premeditated Murder of Rodeo Clown
A Texas jury found a hive of Killer bees guilty of premeditated murder of a rodeo clown in her home. The judge is expected to sentence the swarm to death by flamethrower.
Man Dies from Dangerous Brain Farts Caused by Binge Watching Violent Action Movies
Man dies from brain farts which doctors conclude had displaced his entire frontal lobe due to binge watching violent and corny action films.
Joe Biden Lines Up For 'Avengers: Endgame' By Mistake
Said the former Vice-President, "There's so many people in this line-up, that I thought they were all of my rival Democratic Party nominees!"
written by Stefano M. Stefano, 25 April 2019
Religious Researchers Conclude that Open-mindedness Causes Unnecessary Intelligence
A conservative religious think-tank has concluded through grumpy discussions that open-mindedness causes unnecessary intelligence which dangerously competes with their imaginary God's genius.
Israeli Government Bans Palestinians From Possessing G-Strings
Israeli government officials have banned all Palestinians from possessing g-strings. Officials feel that they could be removed and used as impromptu sling-shots.
Man Sells Fifty-Thousand Dollar Snuff Film Collection to Benefit Humanitarian Causes
Man sells his extensive snuff film library and donates the proceeds to various humanitarian causes that he saw while watching a documentary on the subject.
Tenured Professor Finally Finishes Paper on 1970s Kung Fu Fighting Phenomenon
Unfortunately tenured professor of social studies finally completes 15,000-page 45-year paper on whether or not everyone was kung fu fighting in the 1970s.
President Trump Loses His Excitement for Subpoenas
Donald Trump initially thought that talk of subpoenas was Latin speak for big penises. After it was explained to him that it was a type of legal order, he angrily lost all interest.
Japan's Real Ninja Warrior Show Gets Top Ratings for Authentic Violence
Unlike the American version, Japan's Real Ninja Warrior Show pits contestants against real Samurai posted in old castles. The violence is authentic, and the suspense is intense!
NASA Fights Efforts to Force the Agency into Using Coal Fired Rockets
Coal Interests in league with economic nationalists have put forth a moronic proposal in the conservative dominated US Senate to force NASA into using steam-propelled coal fired rockets.
Trump Jealous Over Kim Jong-un Bestowing Ceremonial Sword on Vladimir Putin
White House insiders stated that Trump is angry that Kim Jong-un gave a cool sword to Vladimir Putin, and not him. He is pouting, wishing they could all have a "three-way-bromance"!
President Trump Worried That Black Hole Pictures Could Hurt His Poll Numbers
A Mar-a-Lago member was shocked when President Trump told her, "I'm worried about these astronomers having pictures of my black hole. I thought Michael Cohen paid off all the women."
I Can Land The Plane
Both Attorney General Barr and Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein seem to compete to see who could land the Mueller Report plane. But the plane is beginning to look more like a Boeing 737 Max.
written by K.C. Bell, 26 April 2019
'Everybody Lies' A New Trump Children's Book
Ivanka Trump's new children's book, 'Everybody Lies', will see publication soon. Ivanka is worried that an overabundance of honesty could harm children's ability to serve wealthy interests.
Makers of Fire in the Hole Adult Sex Toy Game Facing Class Action Law Suit
Makers of 'Fire in the Hole' pyrotechnic anal sex toy game are facing a class action law suit over their allegedly defective explosive butt-plug inserts.
Seafood Restaurant Spontaneously Evacuates Over Masturbation Joke
Patrons aggressively evacuate gourmet seafood restaurant after chef's joke about masturbating into the tartar sauce bowl is widely overheard.
Trump on Track for Telling the Most Lies of Any American President
President Trump stated that he would like to hit the ten-thousandth lie mark before his thousandth-day in office.
Donald Trump Claims that Robert E Lee was the Finest Un-American American
In a statement earlier today Trump said, "Robert E Lee was the finest Un-American American, and that we can all be proud as Un-American Americans of Robert E Lee's kindly and tolerant bigotry."
Jared Kushner Walking the Streets of Washington in Royal Saudi Garb
AP sources speculate a significant change in White House foreign policy with regards to Saudi Arabia, after spotting Jared Kushner in Royal Saudi garb over the past several days.
New Epic Comic Book Film set to be Another Cliche Block Buster
Epic comic book movie expected to set another in a long line of cliche box office records, all while numbing every bodies senses with non-stop special effects, and a paper thin story-line.
NRA Backs Hand Gun Vending Machines
NRA gives its enthusiastic support for a major gun manufacturer's bid to establish hand gun vending machine franchises across America.
Climate Change Denier Dies from Barbecuing Chicken in Her Home
Woman dies of carbon monoxide poisoning from barbecuing chicken in her home when she attempts to prove to her neighbor that pollution doesn't exist.
White Nationalist Compound Leveled in Vibrating Bed Explosion
Seventy white nationalists perish in massive detonation when two of their comrades hoarding nitroglycerine vials and crates of dynamite in their room, turn on vibrating bed while having sex.
Trump Declares ISIS to be Very Fine People
Donald Trump declares ISIS to be very fine people, after viewing an online video of members marching in white polo shirts, while carrying tiki-torches, rebel flags, and yelling anti-Semitic slurs.
Public Baffled Over Trump's Disconnet in Regards to AntiSemitism and His Jewish Family Members
The public continues to be baffled as to why Trump doesn't see the connection between supporting white nationalism and how it endangers the Jewish members of his family.
White House Officials Save the International Space Station from Trump Ordered Attack
White House Officials Save the International Space Station from attack, after they explain to President Trump that ISS is not a terrorist caliphate in space.
written by C/L, 29 April 2019
Polls Show that Joe Biden is America's Favorite Ditzy Politician
Polls show that Americans feel that Joe Biden is their number one beloved, ditzy politician, more likely to set his foot in his mouth than he is to set it in the Oval Office.
written by C/L, 29 April 2019
In Bernie's Psychedelic Mushroom Vermont Forest Shrine
Much of Bernie's royalties have gone into a woodsy shrine to all his idolized Socialist-Commie dictators. Castro, Lenin, Mao, Ortega, Pol Pot, Stalin - all have a place among psychedelic "musshies."
written by Trinculoman, 29 April 2019
Degree of Trump's Stupidity Can Now be Measured in Megatons
The International Atomic Energy Agency has created a mathematical equation describing Trump's stupidity: Trump's ego, times his IQ, divided by his hatred, equals eminent megaton yields.
Anti-Intellectual Foundation Studying Khmer Rouge Philosophy
Conservative think tank studying Pol Pot's anti-intellectual policies, in the hopes of giving white nationalists an advantage over people with brains.
Russian Government Sued Over Mustard Gas Commercial
The Russian Government is facing a law suit over an illegal spoof of famous mustard commercial titled: "Pardon Me, Do You Have any Gr*y P**pon Mustard Gas?" Marketed specifically to dictatorships.
Democrats Content to Watch Democracy Die
The Democratic leadership in Washington is perfectly content to watch President Trump and white nationalists flush liberty down the toilet, as long as they can hold on to their jobs.
William Barr Admits That he Just Hates People
Bill Barr was overheard stating to a colleague in the Justice department men's room, "I just enjoy sh*tting in people's cheerios, I love to ruin people's freedom, and poop on their proverbial party!"
Sociologists find that Flatulance can be a Wonderful Ice Breaker in Business
In a recent study of several hundred Wall Street brokers, researchers have found that tense business meetings end with a high degree of success if several participants fart during negotiations.
Trump Brags About Spanking Rod Rosenstein Like a Bad Little Boy
In a recent White House get together Bill Barr and Donald Trump chuckled about how Trump pulled Rosenstein's pants down, turned him over his knee and spanked his ass red.
Emboldened by the Mueller Report, Trump Calls His Presidency a "Religious Calling"
Since he now resembles a religion, Trump has announced that he is now exempt from paying any taxes.
written by Al N., 01 April 2019
Mueller and Everyone Involved in Mueller Probe Mysteriously Disappear
"It's a mystery. To think they might never be found and we'll never know what happened!" said Trump.
written by Al N., 01 April 2019
American Psychiatric League (APL) Has Just Defined Another Mental Derangement Condition
APL has named the condition Jerri-Ladner-psychotic mania. It refers to a mental state which refuses to acknowledge any form of objective reality, being neuro-logically consumed by progressive cant.
written by Trinculoman, 01 April 2019
Goosestepping Becomes Mandatory in North Korea
A recent study by North Korean experts has concluded that it is easier to apprehend goosestepping defectors versus those who are running;
As a result, goosestepping has become mandatory.
written by C/L, 02 April 2019
President Trump's Alternative Truth Initiative
President Trump recently instructed Education Secretary, Betsy Devos, to implement his new 'Alternative Truth curriculum', in all public schools.
written by C/L, 02 April 2019
Putin Invites Trump to Witness Destruction of U.S.
Donald Trump proudly accepts Vladimir Putin's invitation to exclusive Kremlin dinner party, held to witness, and celebrate an eminent nuclear-born, hyper-sonic missile attack of the United States.
written by C/L, 03 April 2019
Man Slips into Coma after Trump Rally
An unidentified man slipped into a coma, after attending a recent Trump rally. He was irresponsibly exposed to educational information, which caused brain damage in his, severely, IQ-depleted state.
written by C/L, 03 April 2019
"Creepy" Joe Biden Makes a Move to Get His Presidential Bid On-Track
Joe enrolled in Anthony Wiener's newly-founded Hair-Sniffin'/Body Gropin'/Non-Sextin' Reprogramming Survival Course. Bubba Clinton has also expressed interest, but only if he can get Monica for breaks.
written by Trinculoman, 03 April 2019
Kelly Ann Conway Threatens to Divorce Husband
Recently, sources close to Kelly Ann have said that, "She is tired of George pointing out unavoidable-facts to her, and poisoning the children's minds with deductive-reasoning; It has got to stop!"
Donald Trump to inspect the Muzzle of Anti-Aircraft Cannon in North Korea
Donald Trump will inspect the barrel of a North Korean Anti-Aircraft Cannon when he finally visits. Chairman Kim wants the President to see how fast the rounds can travel.
Theresa May offers to Swim up the Thames Naked
In a increasingly desperate bid to secure a Brexit deal; Theresa May offers to, "Swim up the Thames naked." British MP's said they would consider it, "If May were to swim across the Channel instead."
Vladimir Putin to Publish New Dictator's Guide Book
Vladimir Putin set to publish a new guide book next month entitled: 'How to Influence Stupid Leaders, and Take Over Their Countries.'
Jared Kushner Sells State Secrets to Saudi Kingdom
President Trump orders Jared Kushner to sell State Secrets to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia to begin fundraising campaign for Trump's reelection bid.
written by C/L, 05 April 2019
Change to the meaning of the titles of U.N. and NATO
Trump demands that the title of United Nations be changed to United Nationalists, and that the North Atlantic Treaty Organization be changed to North Atlantic Totalitarian Organization.
written by C/L, 05 April 2019
Trump Demands to See the Oranges in the Mueller Report
The only thing orange in the Mueller Report is the Orange-Man himself, Donald Trump.
written by Al N., 05 April 2019
Trump Declares April 20th International Dictator's Day
President Trump Declares Hitler's Birthday as International Dictator's Day. Trump stated that, "Dictators are fine, misunderstood people, and we need our own special day!"
written by C/L, 06 April 2019