God Sells the Entirety of Existence to Lucifer
In a statement earlier today, God said, "I'm selling all of my interests in existence. I'm tired of dealing with humanity's egoism and false dramas. I will retire to an undisclosed dimension."
Attorney General William Barr to Recieve the Hateful Conservative Award
Coveted by people-hating conservatives the world over, William Barr will receive the illustrious prize for his work to obstruct justice and further the causes of authoritarianism and privilege.
Klingon Ambassador to Host Exoneration Dinner
The Klingon Ambassador is holding a celebratory dinner tonight to honor Donald Trump's escape from justice.
Transparent Diaper Corporation Files for Bankruptcy
The Transparent Diaper Corporation has filed for chapter eleven protection, after loosing a class-action lawsuit brought forward by disgusted, and angry beach-goers from around the world.
Black Hole Continuing to Hover in the White House
Human Black Hole and "unstructured time warp", Donald Trump, continues to hover above the toilet in the White House, radiating moronic tweets from his cell phone.