There were 464 spoof news snippets published in 2019. A selection of the best rated snippets is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get all the news snippets from a day in this month.
Coalition of Red States and the NRA to Give Personhood to all Fireams
A number of conservative lawmakers in conjunction with the NRA, have drafted legislation to give individual protections to firearms. An NRA spokesperson said that, "Guns need protections as citizens!"
written by C/L, 19 April 2019
FDA Issues New Health Warning about Drinking Gasoline
Trump supporters should cut back to one 8oz. glass of 89 proof octane per day.
written by C/L, 19 October 2019
Policewoman Placed on Administrative Leave for Fight-Club Style Beating
Policewoman placed on administrative leave after officials review body-cam footage of her beating the sh*t out of herself. Prosecutors still contemplating pressing charges.
written by C/L, 19 April 2019
President Trump Reveals that He is The Joker
"I use orange make-up to make my hideous clown face look more normal!"
written by C/L, 19 October 2019
A Recent Study has Concluded that Worldwide Nationalism Will Lead to Headbutting
A recent study has concluded that Nationalism will lead to headbutting as a form of personal greetings, by the year 2021.
Make the Old Testament Great Again
Evangelicals prefer Old God's wrath and ignorance over Christ's "hippy-dippy" messaging.
Trump Attacks Bullsh*t Mueller Report While the Rest of the World Attacks His Bullsh*t Presidency
In a not so stunning move, Donald Trump continues to attack the Mueller report, while the rest of the non-white trash world, continues to attack his bullsh*t presidency.
Patriotic Americans to Boycott Turkeys this Thanksgiving
Showing solidarity with the betrayed Kurds.
Trump Gives Real Reason Why He Can't Release His Taxes
In a statement earlier today, Trump said that he cannot release his taxes because they are printed in Russian.
Studies Prove that MAGA Hats Severely Decrease Emotional Quotients
Trump supporters responded with "Lock them up, lock them up"!
Medical Researchers Have Concluded That Constant Exposure to Donald Trump's Lying is Dangerous
Medical experts have discovered that people who are constantly exposed to Donald Trump's lying, can develop extreme I.Q. deficiencies, along with uncontrollable fist-pumping and hooting.
Trump Hails the United States Constitution as a Great Work of Fiction
He views the piece on a par with today's Harry Potter series.
Pete Buttigieg Gains Approval Bump Among French Voters
Peter Buttigieg gains approval among French voters after relaying his condolences over the Notre Dame fire in French. Great sentiment, wrong voters.
White House Leaks State that Trump is Locked in His Bedroom
Insiders say that Trump is ranting about all of existence being fake.
CERN Scientists Try to Open Up Wormhole With Anal Speculum
Overworked scientists at CERN Particle accelerator laboratory, resort to installing an anal speculum in particle collider in an effort to open up a wormhole in space/time.
Mystery over Mike Pence's Pained Expression Revealed
Sources claim that Pence feels "sodomized by facts", thus explaining VP's perpetual, anal-grimace.
President Trump Nominates Ivanka to Head World Wank Bank
"She'll be excellent in this role! After all, she's been number one in my personal wank bank since she was twelve years old!"
written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 20 April 2019
Cher wants to invade Syria
Singer Cher has threatened to invade Syria with her voice and everybody has been startled by her threat. Turkish Prez Erdogan has closed his border in line with Cher's seemingly mad intention.
White House Spokeswoman Confirms That Reporters are Talking to Trump's Actual Head
White House spokeswoman Sarah Sanders confirms: "Reporters are actually talking to Trump's head, and not a bare ass, flatulent man doing a hand stand."
Prez Kim to conquer Paris
North Korean President Kim Jong Ung has announced he will climb the Eiffel Tower in Paris but with a small difference. He will do so on his hands just to show the cynics what he is made of. Yeay Kim!
Psychiatric Researcher Reports on Trump Rally Hallucinations
A psychiatric researcher utilizing LSD during a Trump rally, reports on strange hallucinatory visions of a "kind and caring leader in front of a normal, well-adjusted crowd."
Missing Flight Pilot Reappears!
The pilot of missing Malaysian Airlines flight MH370 has shown up at a Cher concert as a backing singer on her hit song If I Could Turn Back Time. He quickly absconded the venue at conclusion of song.
Rudolph Giuliani is Real Life T.V. Show Campy Vampire Grandpa
Rudolph Giuliani is an actual real-life campy-vampire, who has found his rightful place as Lord of Dumbness, and lies within the ghoulish Trump family.
Cher has something to say
American performer Cher has released a statement today denying all knowledge of a statement she made twenty years ago that denied she made any logical statements ever in her illustrious career. Gosh!
Mueller Report Transcribed Into Four-Hundred Page Coloring Book
In an effort to allow President Trump to better understand the Mueller report, White House staffers have transcribed it into a four-hundred page coloring book, complete with Presidential crayon set.
Chinese meets American
An American farmer has discovered a Chinese man hiding in his wheat paddock. Apparently the oriental individual was seen tunnelling from under the soil leading people to think he started in China.
Bill Signing Tutor Gives Up on President Trump
Special Bill Signing Tutor resigns after spending two years, unsuccessfully, trying to break the President's habit of signing his name in giant-scrawl and childishly showing it to everyone.
Third Leg For Former Aussie PM
Former Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced he will have an operation to attach a third leg to his body."God knows I need one" he claimed after watching Jake the Peg video.
Yellow Vest Protesters Turn Violent Over French Elites Before Taking a Break in Five Star Gourmet Bistro
Furious Yellow Vest protestors become violent in Paris, yelling and throwing stones over the issues surrounding French elites. They were later found dining in a five-star gourmet bistro.
Swift to be new president of Kazakhstan
American singer Taylor Swift is planning to run for public office. She wants to be President of Kazakhstan. Only God and some dim witted adviser know why she is doing this. Swift is sick of singing.
Mitt Romney Admits to Being 1950s Ad Dad
Mitt Romney admits that he is the stereotypical 1950s ad-dad minus the tobacco pipe. "I just want to bring all of that gee-golly-neat-mister spirit back to America."
Henson Studios Makes a Dark Confession
Vladimir Putin is really an evil Muppet.
Putin Insiders Describe the Dictators Maniacal Hissing Noise
Henchmen close to Vladimir Putin describe how the Russian dictator hisses like a maniacal vampire, complete with fangs and snake eyes, when the subject of sanctions comes up.
President Trump to be Awarded the Order of Lenin
For money-laundering, corruption, and treason against the United States of America.
It's National Vandalism Month
The National Vandalism Foundation is raising money for vandals by encouraging people to take the 'Mail Box Baseball Challenge.'
Woman Thrown Out of Public Swimming Pool
For bringing her emotional support octopus in the water with her.
Scouts to Add Machine Gun Nest Merit Badge
Scouts to add 'Machine Gun Nest Merit Badge', in an effort to keep pace with rising nationalist trends.
The NRA Journal of Medicine Concludes
There is no conclusive evidence of gunshot wounds being harmful or fatal.
Donald Trump to Replace the Lincoln Monument with the Trump Monument
President Trump to replace the Lincoln Monument with the Trump Monument to commemorate his role in the destruction of the American Republic.
President Trump Makes Desperate Call to President Erdogan
"Can you pull your troops back to the starting line? I would like a do-over!"
More Societal Rejects Pledge the Use of Deadly Force
States with 'Right to use deadly force' laws, seeing an uptick in social rejects "Pledging to feel threatened, and randomly shoot people."
Fatal Vegas Shooting Blamed on Toddler Flashcards
Man shoots fellow player for having a yellow-duckling card up his sleeve.
Anger Managment Counsellor Ordered to Enroll in Anger Management Courses
Anger management counsellor ordered to enroll in anger management courses after losing his temper with enraged patient.
President Trump Opens Up about Collusion with Russia
With the Mueller report neutralized, Trump speaks candidly about his collusion with Russia to Fox News.
written by C/L, 22 October 2019
Donald Trump Angry that Alec Baldwin is More Popular as Donald Trump Character
Donald Trump's anger continues over actor Alec Baldwin's popular satirical portrayal of him being more likeable than watching the real and abysmal Trump himself.
written by C/L, 21 April 2019
Malawian Leader Forces Citizens to Watch Him Eat Live on TV; Smacks Lips Profusely.
A Malawian leader has recently come under fire. He recently forced all of his citizens to watch him eat dinner. The problem arose when he started smacking his lips loudly chewing a "Malawi Steak".
written by Jahknee Turkle, 22 October 2019
Trump's Presidential Library to be Built in Moscow's Red Light District
Trump's Presidential Library to be located in Moscow's red light district, the capital of money laundering and "golden showers".
written by C/L, 21 April 2019
My good friend, Skip Recap, is going to change his name.
He says he feels like he’s missing out on too much.
written by Matt Birkenhauer, 22 October 2019
The Press Does Not Know the Truth About My Lies Says White House Press Secretary
White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders stated, "Lying for a President who does nothing but lie is exhausting full time work. I can't tell what reality is anymore."
Kim running for Presidency
Kim Kardashian has announced she is running for President of Armenia. The cosmetically-enhanced individual wants to be an all-powerful head of state, and to outlaw freedom of speech. Give it your best, Kim!
The Three Major Faiths Angered by Buddhism
Christians, Jews, and Muslims wish Buddhists would promote anger, and guilt over enlightenment, and happiness.
Kim wants the North Korean Presidency
Kim Kardashian has announced she is running for the Presidency of North Korea. However, no one has had the heart to tell her that such an attempt is impossible given its present totalitarian state.
Concussion Grenade Manufacturer Applies Schroedinger's Cat Principle to Legal liability
A recent munitions corporation press release has stated,"Our grenades are 100% battlefield effective, but if they're used in acts of civilian terror, people most likely were killed by something else."
Kim running for Cuba
Kim Kardashian has announced she is running for the Presidency of Cuba. Once someone tells her about the history of this communist state she might have second thoughts. Pull the other one, Kim!!
Extreme Ice Cream Truck to Debut This Summer
New in the summer T.V. line-up, Extreme Ice Cream Truck promises to combine the suspense of a survival based reality show, with the beloved violence of a Mad Maxian movie chase.
Kim fed up with candidacy
After concurrently announcing running for Presidents of North Korea, Cuba and Armenia, Kim Kardashian has withdrawn her candidacy on health grounds. Insanity is a problem in her family, one supposes.
Pharmaceutical Company Who Sickens People With Their Stupid Ads Has Invented a New Drug to Treat It
A Leading pharmaceutical company has created an obscenely overpriced drug to treat the illnesses created by watching their sickening commercials.
Trudeau back as PM
Justin Trudeau has just been returned as Prime Minister of Canada. Now he wants to introduce permanent laws banning blackface impersonators from performing in public. Guess he learnt his lesson.
Lawn Dart Convention Ends in Mass Tragedy
International Lawn Dart Convention ends in mass tragedy, when a dense crowd of participants throws lawn darts in the air simultaneously in a poorly thought out closing ceremony.
Trudeau banning black
Justin Trudeau, recently reelected as Canada's PM, wants to introduce laws banning all black animals from appearing in public lest the citizens feel insulted by their brazened behaviour. Great Scott!
Millions of Catholics Are Secretly Angry With Pope Francis
Millions of Catholics are secretly angry with Pope Francis for breaking the longstanding tradition of being a cold son of a b*tch and standing as a shining example of mocking benevolence.
ISS in new laughing record
Astronauts on the International Space Station have broken the world record for the longest time laughing in one moment. Apparently, a Russian laughed for 237-and-a-half minutes after telling a joke.
Republican Senators Hang Portrait of Russian Despot in their Congressional Offices
Anonymous lobbyists report that a majority of Republican Senators have a portrait of dictator Vladimir Putin hanging on their walls where Donald Trump's portrait should be.
Minogue's new gender
Pop diva Kylie Minogue has refuted claims that she is a female, and says she identifies as "a spirit dweller of the Amazons". Minogue once even claimed to be the reincarnation of Elvis but then relented.
President Trump Perplexed as to why Muammar Gaddafi Is Not Returning His Calls
Angry White house staffers play rock, paper, scissors, to see who will explain to Trump that Gaffadi has been dead for years.
Ed and the preacher
Singer Ed Sheeran has declared himself to be the second coming of Elvis Presley. When questioned by a Church of England rector if he was confusing identities, Ed ran for the nearest heart break hotel.
Bruce Lee Festival Shut Down For Massive Nunchuck Brawl
Bruce Lee festival shut down after massive nunchuck brawl breaks out.
Tiger's warning to kids
Golfer Tiger Woods says that children collecting all his stray golf shots will be punished in eternity by being made to watch all seven of his major wins. You have been told, Charlie Brown!
Beloved Knife Juggler Remembered After Tickling Tragedy
Beloved knife juggler remembered after his suicidal partner rushes in and tickles him during 'One Hundred Butcher Knives' routine.
Trump has had enough
President Trump today confused the word "fuck" with truck when he said that he had had enough of the impeachment inquiry, and wanted to "truck off for a while to the Florida everglades". What the truck!!
Catholic Church Removes Jerked Chicken and Pulled Pork from Seminary Menus
In a misguided effort to avoid subliminal sexual suggestion, Catholic officials remove pulled pork and jerked chicken from seminary menus.
Camels are to blame
Camels are being held responsible for climate change affecting global temperatures. Camels emit methane every time they chow down on a Big Mac or cheeseburger. They could be banned from Maccas, yes?
New Tax on the Poor to Bolster Subsidies to the Wealthiest Americans
Republican Senators set to pass a new tax on the poor to bolster subsidies for the wealthiest Americans.
Trump and Brando
President Trump has appointed former actor Marlon Brando as a charity ambassador for UNESCO. When told that Brando is no longer alive, Trump replied "Dohl!!!". Next question Mister President.
Dirt Biking Russian Bear Becomes Motorcycle Mechanic
Laid off dirt biking Russian circus bear finds retraining and employment as motorcycle mechanic.
Beyonce is the lady
Pop performer, Beyoncé, says that Jay Zee has nothing on her charisma and popular appeal. "I'm the lady, know what I mean?" she maintained amid rumours that her fiancé wants to leave the relationship.
Intelligence Reports Confirm That Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross Sleeps in A Money-Lined Coffin
U.S. Intelligence agencies confirm that Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross sleeps in a coffin lined with laundered money from his days as head of the Cyprus Bank.
Lacrosse not such a friendly game
Captain of the Uruguay lacrosse team has been kidnapped by fans sympathetic to the Ecuador lacrosse team who were beaten following a friendly between the two countries on Saturday. What for guys?
ISIS to Require Formal Applications and Tuition for Enrollment in Their Terrorist Training Program
Falling on hard times, ISIS has been forced to formalize their suicide bomber training. Interested candidates will now have to fill out application forms, and pay tuition for their courses.
Court martial for Roy
Sergeant Roy Bottletop, of the Royal Blackwatch, has been court-martialled for impersonating Theresa May, former UK PM, at a "do" attended by the Queen. No one was impressed by his shrill voice.
Fisher Price Nationalist Tot Play Set Line Discontinued
Nationalist parents angry over Fisher Price's decision to halt development of field strippable, assault rifle toy play set for toddlers.
Adult Coloring Books to Blame for Trump Presidency
If real adults weren't busy coloring, then infantile adults would never have been able to elect Trump.
Monkey With Machine Gun Given a Lesser Charge of Manslaughter
Prosecutors reduce charges to manslaughter for murderous machine gun-wielding monkey. "He didn't know what he was doing, he's just a monkey."
Private Spying Firm Black Rectangle Publishes New 'How to' Guide
'How to Manipulate and Intimidate Victims of Powerful Hollywood Predators into Silence'.
White Trash Americans Finally Find Purpose as Vigilante Border Patrol
Discontented white trash Americans finally find purpose in terrorizing innocent asylum-seeking migrants, as members of vigilante border patrols.
New Gun Study Findings
Gun owners would give them up if they couldn't potentially harm or kill someone with them.
Corporation Looking to Utilize Infamous Weedkiller to Treat the Cancer that it Causes
Major Corporation petitions FDA to approve infamous weedkiller for use as a highly overpriced cancer treatment drug for the cancers that it most likely causes.
Putin Promises Trump Help in the 2020 Presidential Elections
After he is finished carving up Syria with Ergodan, Assad, ISIS, and the Iranians.
Florida Wal Mart Welcomes Emotional Support Alligators
Florida Wal Mart is enjoying an uptick in business as it formally welcomes red neck patrons with emotional support alligators.
Trump Confuses Marx with Fast Food Mogul
Ukrainian President Zelensky explained that "Marx was a political philosopher, not a "German Colonel Sanders".
God Reveals His Atheism
Millions of religious fanatics all over the world were crushed by the news that God is an atheist. "I'm a flawed imaginary being who has never believed in myself, I don't know why anyone else would."
More Red States Expected to Pass Stand Your Ground Laws
To give Nationalists an excuse to shoot people they don't like.
Artificially Intelligent Autonomous Tank Receives Sex Reassignment Surgery
The world's first autonomous tank received sex reassignment surgery yesterday when army mechanics sawed off his turret cannon.
National Premature Ejaculation Day Cancelled
National Premature Ejaculation Day, scheduled to be observed October 25, has been cancelled because, unfortunately, it came a day early again this year.
written by P.J. Maggitti, 25 October 2019
Sisyphus Shocked Over Bolder Staying Put
Greek myth correspondent reports that, earlier today, Sisyphus pushed his bolder up the hill for the billionth time, and surprisingly it stayed put. Sisyphus now to go somewhere quiet and cry.
Rudy Guiliani's Butt Dial Means Trouble for Trump
It may be the first time that butt-dialing lands Trump in jail instead of a porn star's bed.
written by C/L, 26 October 2019
Pacific Ocean Declared Massive World Heritage Aquatic Dump Site
Anti-environmentalist group proudly bestows World Heritage Aquatic Dump Status on the massive trash vortex in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
written by C/L, 25 April 2019
God flushes toilet
...then has to get out plunger and flush a couple more times.
written by pinkwalrus, 27 October 2019
A Texas Jury Finds Swarm of Killer Bees Guilty of Premeditated Murder of Rodeo Clown
A Texas jury found a hive of Killer bees guilty of premeditated murder of a rodeo clown in her home. The judge is expected to sentence the swarm to death by flamethrower.
written by C/L, 25 April 2019
Fischer Price Discontinues Baby's First Hooka Toy
White Nationalist parents complained that the toy is too "middle-eastern".
written by C/L, 27 October 2019