Young misfit celebrates four years on heroin
A young man identified as Kyle D. yesterday marked his four-year anniversary as a heroin addict. “It’s four years on heroin” he clarified, “and a bit short of that as an actual heroin addict per se.” Kyle attended a 12 Step meeting in early 2018…
Read full storyA guide to cryptocurrency
Can't tell your Lolcoin from your Kardashian marks? Well never fear, Geoff Swag here. I'm going to tell you all you need to know about cryptocurrencies. Nowadays every c**t has got their own cryptocurrency. Even Timmy Mallett has his "Malletts". Y…
Read full storyLas Vegas Says “Herd Immunity” Is a 10-1 Favorite To Win The Preakness Stakes
BALTIMORE, Maryland – (Sports Satire) – The Las Vegas bookies agree that the 3-year-old thoroughbred from Cheyenne, Wyoming, “Herd Immunity” at 10 to 1, is the highly favored horse to win the 146th running of the Preakness, this year’s middle jewel o…
Read full storyWhale trapped in the Thames had to be put down
A crowd gathered by the banks of the river Thames to watch vet Geoff Calamari as he euthanised a minke whale which had mistakenly swum up the corpse-strewn river. "It were tragic," said the 46 year old restaurateur, who trained in veterinarian col…
Read full story"2 Girls 1 Cup" Movie Remake Has Been Banned In 109 Countries
HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – The much-anticipated remake of the nasty-as-sh*t film, "2 Girls 1 Cup" has finally hit the movie theaters. The Los Angeles Watchdog Witnesser newspaper is reporting that the Pipe Dreams Films production, which is produc…
Read full storyBoston area man can’t stop writing spoof news
After a productive spree which generated several new stories this morning, the Spoof News writer known as Earthvessel is signalling for help. Apparently for reasons unknown, Earthvessel or E.V. has determined he cannot stop generating the stories…
Read full storyWatertown Man demands chance to start at QB for the Pats
Mark Pettiglio is a good natured, easy-going guy – most of the time that is. His disposition soured after watching Cam Newton play quarterback for his favorite team last season. Mark wasn’t impressed. “He was missing on passes behind the line of…
Read full storyRumors Confirmed: Hockey Fans are Inadvertently Time Traveling
Scientists from MIT have issued a statement confirming recent rumors that there are trans-dimensional portals in certain areas of the US Northeast. As many have suspected of late, the scientists tell us, fans who enter the Boston Garden/Fleet Center…
Read full storyIs Donald Trump Looking For Women’s Clothing - To Wear?
"Donald Trump is running for cover looking for women's clothing to wear, trying to get on a Titanic lifeboat because the Republican Party is sinking." What in the world did Illinois House Congress member Adam Kinzinger mean? Is Donald Trump going…
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