Young misfit celebrates four years on heroin

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Tuesday, 11 May 2021

image for Young misfit celebrates four years on heroin
Kyle outlines his five year plan

A young man identified as Kyle D. yesterday marked his four-year anniversary as a heroin addict. “It’s four years on heroin” he clarified, “and a bit short of that as an actual heroin addict per se.”

Kyle attended a 12 Step meeting in early 2018 after he was arrested for shoplifting.

“After driving me home from the police station, my mom ransacked my room and found some pot I had stashed” he explained, “so she flips and next thing you know our whole family is sitting in a therapist’s office and she suggested I start going to meetings.”

Only 17 at the time, Kyle’s mom drove him to the 12 Step meeting and waited outside. “My mom was hell bent on having me go. I did hear some really kick ass stories and met some tight guys at the meeting but they didn’t want much to do with me. I got called a weedmidget”.

Kyle said he wouldn’t have gone back if not for his mom’s insistence. “After a few meetings I decided I needed to do some heroin. It was more about being one of the guys than anything else. But once I started using it was all about getting high! I really loved it!”

Asked if he had any plans to stop, Kyle told us he had one more year to go “I figure if I can say I shot heroin for five years, I’ll go back to the meeting…I’ll be one of the guys!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more