Rumors Confirmed: Hockey Fans are Inadvertently Time Traveling

Funny story written by Earthvessel

Tuesday, 11 May 2021

image for Rumors Confirmed: Hockey Fans are Inadvertently Time Traveling
Happy family celebrates their safe return to the present

Scientists from MIT have issued a statement confirming recent rumors that there are trans-dimensional portals in certain areas of the US Northeast. As many have suspected of late, the scientists tell us, fans who enter the Boston Garden/Fleet Center for a Boston Bruins hockey game seem to travel back in time to the 1980s.

Dr. Robert Dweeber of MIT coordinated a study determining that those Bruins hockey fans enter a realm where it is always March 5th or 6th 1982. The study tracked the positions of stars in the night sky from that location to make that determination. Dr. Dweeber told us he will need more data in order “to solve this puzzle”.

After attending a series of games over the past month, it was noted that fans’ mode of dress, hair-styles and the player jerseys worn did indeed match up with the early 80s. We also determined that it is possible to maintain a connection with the current times via smartphone.

Just outside of the arena, we approached several fans for comments before finding one who seemed to understand the phenomenon and was able to articulate.

We waited while ardent Bruins fan, Jimmy Townski shouted “GO BRUINS” several times and high fived several other fans before asking him about the time travel aspect; “Yeah, what’s the big deal? I mean, I thought that was supposed to be part of the experience heeeah!”

Asked if he understood the experience involved traveling back to March 1982, Townski replied “well, yeah I knew it was something like that. I mean sh##, I didn’t know exact dates but just look around in there right?!!”

The time travel phenomenon is not limited to hockey games, as it has also been detected at several Dunkin’ Donuts stores around the Boston area. Additional rumors have emerged of similar occurrences in the Philadelphia area as well as parts of New Jersey.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more