Five Wonka Bars Contain Golden Vaccination Ticket
WONKAVILLE – The Wonka Corporation (a Unilever subsidiary) has announced that, in five of its Wonka Bars, there will be a Golden Ticket that allows the winner to receive a free Covid-19 vaccination. “There was a promotion like this a few years bac…
Read full storyCPSC Issues Advisory that Materials Used in MyPillow May Cause Delusions of Political Conspiracies
Washington DC - The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a statement on Friday, that it is looking into data that seems to indicate that prolonged exposure to MyPillow might cause those connected with its manufacture to have hallucinations and d…
Read full storyP.G.Wodehouse calls Jaggedone from his grave to transmit following dialogue between Bertie Wooster and Jeeves his butler!
(NOT EDITED) After connecting via a medium, immortal author, P.G.Wodehouse, has again pecked on Jaggedone's wooden brain to offer his spiffing fans posh messages from the 'Other Side!' Bertie Wooster and his butler, Jeeves, reside in a honeycomb o…
Read full storyGOP Offers to “Uncensure” Cindy McCain if She Calls Off the “Space Lasers Causing Our Fires”
Phoenix- The Arizona chapter of the Republican Party has graciously offered to remove the censure handed out to the widow of former U.S.Senator John McCain for “being the widow of former U.S. Senator John McCain”. John McCain was also censured by…
Read full storyWhat happened to all of Ronan Keating's Albums?
It has been a mystery for years, but, apparently, Ronan Keating has sold many albums in his solo career and as a member of Boyzone, but these days no-one admits to having a CD in their collection. Along with Shania Twain's works, the Vengaboys and…
Read full storyGOP Offers Guidelines on Lunacy vs. Sanity
WASHINGTON DC – In the wake of the Marjorie Taylor Greene controversy, the Republican National Committee has issued guidelines on how to determine if someone is engaging in lunacy or sanity. Anyone saying the following is a lunatic: “Democratic lea…
Read full storySpider still stuck in the bath
Spider Gavin Williamson has been stuck in a bath for three days now, and still shows no signs of wanting to move out. The 23-month-old arachnid said: 'I have been here for a while, I mean, I climbed out of the plughole, as spiders do, and now I ca…
Read full storyMan still listening to Paul McCartney's new album
More than six weeks after it was released, Brian Asshat is still listening to Paul McCartney's latest album, 'McCartney III'. Chutney on the Fritz's most famous bachelor, Thomas Johnson, who is only 15, and has his eyes on Sarah Fitzmaurice, is kn…
Read full story199 Voted In Favor Of QAnon Lady, 11 Said No
Only 11 Republican members of the House of Representatives said NO to the QAnon lady. 199 Republicans voted YES. This, after the QAnon lady said she wanted to put a bullet in Nancy Pelosi's head, the Democratic Speaker of the House of Representatives…
Read full storyPresident Biden Says That Trump’s Useless Wall Is Coming Down
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – President Biden, addressing his campaign promise to tear down Trump’s stupid, useless, expensive-as-hell wall, said it will be completely torn down by Easter. The President met with a group of construction offici…
Read full storyMexico Reveals Its Stance on Atheist Women Who Pose in The Nude
AGUASCALIENTES, Mexico - (Satire News) – Rosendo Reynosa, spokesman for the Republic of Mexico, has informed the international news media that, after months of discussion, the government has decided they will now take a stand on the issue of atheist…
Read full storyRudy Giuliani Admits That Donald Trump Borrowed $27.7 Million From Russian President Vladimir Putin
BROOKLYN – (Satire News) – Trump’s ex-lawyer and now ex-friend, has informed the news media that the disgraced president borrowed $27.7 million from the Russian president. Giuliani is facing up to 41 years in prison for countless charges, ranging…
Read full storySpace Aliens Abducted Donald Trump, But Quickly Released Him
MAR-A-LAGO – (Satire News) – The Miami Citrus Chronicle is reporting that Donald Trump was abducted by space aliens as he shot out of a sand trap on the 9th hole of a golf course just outside of Mar-a-Lago. It said that, since leaving the White Ho…
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