MAR-A-LAGO – (Satire News) – The Miami Citrus Chronicle is reporting that Donald Trump was abducted by space aliens as he shot out of a sand trap on the 9th hole of a golf course just outside of Mar-a-Lago.
It said that, since leaving the White House, the ex-president has been playing golf every single day, by himself, as nobody wants to be associated with the pitiful loser.
According to Trump’s caddy YonDello “Bubba” Jefferson, suddenly, out of the blue, a spaceship landed on the 9th hole, and, within 24 seconds, two ugly space aliens who looked like what one would get if Rudy Giuliani mated with Sarah Huckabee, snatched up the former president with a gigantic butterfly net-looking contraption.
They instantly boarded the space vehicle, and took off in the direction of Alabama.
Jefferson said that, before he could phone the 4 secret service agents, who had gone to a nearby McDonald’s drive-thru, the spaceship returned, the door opened, and Trump was kicked out.
YonDello checked DJT out, and ascertained he had not been injured in the fall; but his orange toupee had become unattached and was hanging precariously off to one side.
When he asked Trump what had happened, the ex-president told him the aliens had asked him a bunch of questions, and did not like his answers, saying that he was nothing but a lying piece of inter-planentary space shit.
As a precaution, the Secret Service agents rushed Trump to a 24-hour Emergency Clinic, where doctors X-rayed his head. They later discovered that the gene that controls lying and decency was missing.