Trump To Have Surgery To Make His Hands Bigger
LOS ANGELES – (Satire News) – The Tinsel Town Times Tribune is reporting that President Trump has consulted one of the nation’s leading hand doctors. 5T stated that a source inside the White Folks House said that POTUS wants to have his tiny toddl…
Read full storyPussy Riot Invited To Play At President Biden’s Inauguration Party
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – The all-female Russian heavy metal band, Pussy Riot, has been invited to perform at President Joe Biden’s gala inauguration party, to be held at the Kennedy Center Annex. The band, on Russian President Putin’s l…
Read full storyAlabama Releases Over 8,000 Prisoners in Just One Day
MONTGOMERY, Alabama – (Satire News) – President Trump is taking credit for releasing 8,000 Alabama inmates into the general population. His base is foaming at the mouth, and asking him if he has lost his senses, or if is he already working on gett…
Read full storyChristmas Is Coming On January 20th
Forget December 25th; the real Christmas is coming on January 20th when Donald Trump is out, gone, evicted, removed from the White House, and replaced by the elected President Joseph Biden. Goodbye hysterical, crackpot tweets, written in a vindic…
Read full storyCentipede Scared Family Shitless
A quiet night in front of the TV spent watching a movie was ruined beyond redemption for one family last night, when, in the midst of their viewing, a gruesome impostor invaded their living room, and scared the living daylights out of them. The Ke…
Read full storyGod Denies Involvement In Maradona Hand Of God Goal
In a revealing moment earlier today which will undoubtedly send shockwaves all through the Buenos Aires baristas, the Supreme Being, God, has spoken out to deny any and all responsibility for assisting Argentina's Diego Maradona in the scoring of his…
Read full storyGerman farm cat re-named after watching Tyson box his way out of a wet paper bag!
Cats can be quite extraordinary, especially if they are allowed to watch telly! One German farm feline sneaked in the back door last night and secretly watched 'Iron Mike Tyson' punching fresh air against an opponent, who many years ago, would have l…
Read full storyMaradona's obituaries "greatest of all time"
Many obituaries aspire to greatness, but few can match the memorials this week for lard-arsed coke-fiend Diego Maradona, who died aged 60. "I couldn't believe what I was reading," said death expert Geoff Ashes. "It's what we in the business call l…
Read full storyMaria Sharapova Wants To Buy a Soccer Team
MANHATTAN BEACH, California - (Sports Satire) – Maria Sharapova, one of the greatest female tennis players of all-time, says that the rumors of her wanting to buy a professional soccer team are, in fact, true. The statuesque, 6-foot-2-inch tennis…
Read full storyThe Madame Tussaud Wax Museum Has Removed Trump’s Wax Likeness
PARIS – (Satire News) – The director of the famed Madame Tussaud Wax Museum has informed the news media that they have had to stop exhibiting the wax likeness of President Donald Trump due to financial reasons. Museum director Jean Franz L’Epinard…
Read full storyMedia Stocks Plunge Due to Boring News
The Dow Jones Industrial Average lost 800 points today driven exclusively by companies owning mainstream media outlets. New York Times Company, owner of the New York Times (duh) lost 25% of its value in a wild trading session that punished virtually…
Read full storySupreme Court Declares Trump Winner
President Trump's lawyers have won a major victory in convincing the Supreme Court to declare him winner. Admittedly they did not reverse any lower court rulings regarding voter fraud. The lower courts universally rejected Trump's claims of vot…
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