Supreme Court Declares Trump Winner

Funny story written by wasabiphil

Sunday, 29 November 2020

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President Trump's lawyers have won a major victory in convincing the Supreme Court to declare him winner. Admittedly they did not reverse any lower court rulings regarding voter fraud.

The lower courts universally rejected Trump's claims of voter fraud as "frivolous", "unsubstantiated", "laughable", "foolish", "drivel", and "cockamamie". The Supreme Court ruled 6 to 3 that lower courts were being too generous. The opinion, written by newly-appointed justice Amy Coney Barrett, stated that, "I know he appointed me and I know that soon we will be able to protect the wealthy in this country with phony originalist arguments, but for now, Donald Trump, winner we gonna get rid of you? Now!”

In a dissenting opinion, Justice Kagan stated that the lower courts had done their job, and it was judicial overreach to egg them on like that. In addition, she stated, “It would be more correct to say, Donald Trump, winner we gonna get rid of you and all your kids? Now!”

Rudy Guiliani said, “Huh?”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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