MONTGOMERY, Alabama – (Satire News) – President Trump is taking credit for releasing 8,000 Alabama inmates into the general population.
His base is foaming at the mouth, and asking him if he has lost his senses, or if is he already working on getting the 2024 black vote.
The director of Alabama prisons, Cyrus “The Whip” Whippensteen, told RumorLand News, that, of the 8,000 prisoners, 79.3% are black or half-black.
When asked why he released so many convicts, he replied that there were several reasons that came into play.
He pointed out that, for one, inmates were having to double-up and even triple-up in a bed; that can never be a good thing, especially for skinny white prisoners.
Secondly, he stated that the prison system had run into a shortage of underwear, which was caused by the cotton shortage due to the damn cottonball-eating boll weevils.
And thirdly, he found that there was just way too much intimate co-mingling going on between the effeminate prisoners and the prison guards.
Whipensteen divulged that Trump wanted to visit his prison and talk to the inmates about family values, keeping a job, cutting back on wine-drinking, and promising to vote for him in 2024.
The warden stated that he told Trump that he’ll hold a cell for him.