Many obituaries aspire to greatness, but few can match the memorials this week for lard-arsed coke-fiend Diego Maradona, who died aged 60.
"I couldn't believe what I was reading," said death expert Geoff Ashes. "It's what we in the business call liquid eulogy. It's as if they were written by the hand of God."
Ashes was surprised at how a bloated washed-up footballing cheat like Maradona could be made to sound like a heroic figure.
"We will truly never see its like again," he said, referring to the overblown tributes.
Football commentator Geoff Ball had little to say about the man also known as the Argie Elvis. "Who? The Maradonalan? Can't say I've seen the show, but who doesn't like Baby Yoda."