Exasperated Satirists Give Up and Now Work at Amazon Warehouse
(Kansas City, KS) Many full, part-time, and hobbyist satire writers have left the keyboard and put away the muse for the unforeseeable future, distraught and disgusted that, no matter what they conceive and create and share, they simply cannot keep u...
Read full storyFlorida Man Warns New Yorkers
Wilfred (“Bubba Billy”) Watson of Pensacola, Florida, has a stark warning for New Yorkers fleeing the Covid-19 pandemic. “Get within six feet of me, and you’ll be permanently quarantined.” Watson, 78, takes the coronavirus seriously and explain...
Read full storyTrump's Top Coronavirus Medical Recommendations
Declaring himself the most qualified medical expert in the world, President Trump dismissed the Food and Drug Administration, (FDA) Administrator and appointed himself the new FDA Chief. During his four-hour news conference, where he asked and answe...
Read full storySpoof Writer Had Great Idea For Story, But Forgot What It Was Before He Had A Chance To Write It
A writer of spoof stories for an online satirical news website has told of how he had an inspirational idea for a great story, but, before he had a chance to write it, the idea had disappeared from his mind, like the crew and passengers of the Marie...
Read full storyTrump admits gargling with Formaldehyde
President Trump admitted, today, he often gargles with Formaldehyde in order to preserve his brain. He said that a leading brain surgeon from North Korea had given him the tip, during a conference call to Kim Jung Un. "Oh yeah, it's really helped...
Read full storyTucker Carlson is Furious with Judge Jeanine Pirro for Giving Him His New Nickname
NEW YORK CITY - Fox News reporter Tucker Carlson interviewed Judge Jeanine Pirro regarding the recent rumors that she had been drinking while on the air. The judge became quite upset, and told him that it was not beer, nor whiskey, nor tequila, bu...
Read full storyThe Bronx Zoo Is Sending 5 Tigers and 3 Lions, that Have C-19, Back To Africa
THE BRONX, New York – The assistant director of the Bronx Zoo has just issued a news bulletin that eight of their big cats have tested positive for the Coronavirus. Spencer Piano told the reporters, who had assembled in the zoo parking lot, that t...
Read full storyThe Rolling Stones New Single, Eerily Becomes the Unofficial Coronavirus Song
LONDON – The oldest living rock band in history has just released a music video that pundits are referring to as the eerily unofficial song of the C-19 pandemic. Lead singer Mick Jagger, 76, said that he changed the lyrics to their song "Ghost Tow...
Read full storyPresident Trump Tells Harvard University It Better Return The $9 Milllion Emergency Relief Check Within 48 Hours
WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House insiders say that the president is fit to be tied over the fact that Harvard University received a huge government check. When he first learned about the money given to one of the wealthiest universities in the world...
Read full storySome Americans Torn between Left’s Message that Quarantining Healthy People Indefinitely Will Help Everyone and Right’s Message that We Need to Return to Burning Fossil Fuels ASAP
Want to do the right thing with regard to COVID-19, but uncertain what that right thing is? If so, you're not alone. Weeks into the coronavirus lockdown, many Americans have found themselves torn between the message they are hearing from the left, th...
Read full storySchizophrenics reach out to themselves
Social distancing and all the paraphernalia that goes with it are causing those with split personality conditions a headache - or two. "It ain't easy," said Brad Park, currently being treated for schizophrenia. "I wear a facemask when I speak to m...
Read full storyMan Ordered Family Out On Military Manouevres
The patience of a man who has been 'champing at the bit' to get out of his house and do something during the Coronavirus lockdown, finally snapped yesterday, when he ordered his family into 'battle fatigues', and led them on a military-style march th...
Read full storyBored Tesla AI Assaults Driver
(Albuquerque, NM) A Tesla Model S owned by Lalo Salamanca, resident of the sprawling metropolitan area around Albuquerque, New Mexico, is the latest owner of a vehicle from that manufacturer to report extremely unusual behavior that borders on downri...
Read full storySo, The Fake President Is Suggesting Disinfectant Enemas To Get Rid Of Coronavirus
So, at a press conference or election rally, after calling a few reporters representing fake news, President Trump suggested what sounded like using disinfectant enemas to kill the coronavirus. Editor’s note: You are fired. Reply: Wait, hear me...
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